Review: WSEV 930AM "Smoky Mountain Radio" - Oct. 28 & 29, 2013

[Sammy Reed]

♫ And we're comin',
to yo ci-tehhhh.
Gonna play our guitars and sing you a country SAAAWWwwng ♫

I went to Pigeon Forge last week, and did my usual recording of Smoky Mountain Radio on my VersaCorder. Here's my review of the stuff on the station during that time. The first side of the tape began at 3:00 PM on Oct. 28. The other side began at midnight on the 29th.

They still have the very-frequent shpiel for the Smokies Official Welcome and Discovery Center ("Your new best friend in the Smokies", how to get there, Milton Crabapple CD - oh excuse me, Milton Crabapple comedy CD, map with "places only the locals know about", etc.). They've still got the free "pass" for wine-tastings. Yeah buddy, when I think Gatlinburg, I think "wine-snot paradise" right away. The phrase "Family vacations are all about building wonderful memories that last a lifetime" rears its ugly head again, although in a limited fashion.

Duck Dynasty Trivia is now about half-&-half between trivia quizzes and "Duck Dynasty Fun Facts".

Where they gave us the "free stuff bell" previously, now they're giving us "Text to Win". Kent gives us the warning [That's the word I'm using, and I'm sticking to it.] that our chance to text-to-win is "coming up in just a few minutes", then after awhile they give us those touch-tone blips letting us anxious pavlov dogs know we can finally text-to-win. The 3 prizes (actually 2 prizes and one prize package) alternating in those text-to-win chances are:
1. "For all the shoppers"
Tanger Outlet Mall coupon book - "Now typically people pay for this. It's worth over $1000 in savings. You're gonna get it absolutely free when you Text to Win right here on Smoky Mountain Radio."
2. Lumberjack Feud - Buy one, get one free
3. "For all you thrillseekers out there"
Zip Line pass - Buy one, bring a friend for free
Rockin' Raceway - Buy one, get one free
"50 free firecrackers absolutely free"

We are told that "the first 10 people to text" will win that particular prize. Which seems about right, since I wouldn't know if they ever get a text.

There are commercials for the Hatfield & McCoy show, "the all-new Soul of Motown" (for what, the 3rd year now?), America's Hit Parade, the Comedy Barn, and the Lumberjack Feud dinner show ("The rightiest good time in the Smoky Mountains.").

"*The* top zip-line in North America is right here in the Smokies. That's right, you've seen it on national television, you've read about it in magazines. It's Wahoo Zip Lines. [a few people yelling in very high unison 'WOOOOHOOoooo!]" I'm sorry, but the only places I ever heard of Wahoo Zip Line is 930AM and Kent Emmons' YouTube video. "I can guarantee you that right now is *the* best zip-line opportunity that you'll ever have. Safe and fun for ages 5 through 95 - yes, I've seen a 95-year-old out there. They love it!"

They have these few-second-long country and gospel musical interludes sponsored by this or that musical theater show, including a version of "Are You from Dixie" with "Comedy Barn" in the words.

Then there's a commercial where some woman asks a bunch of kids where they want to go. Their answer sounded for all the world like "Tri-Citic in Pigeon Forge". After hearing the commercial for a while, it came to me. Ohhh, Titanic. That's it.

Let me give you another Tennessee Trivia question.
What is the state's official nickname?
The Howdy State
The Altered State
The Volunteer State

Now I'll talk about the "live" interviews with Mimi on the Sky Bridge.
There are 5 of them that alternate. One of them starts this way:
(a few seconds of generic 90's-sounding country music)
KENT: Hey folks, Kent Emmons here, your *voice* of the Great Smoky Mountains. Again, we're broadcasting live all day from right here at the Smokies Official Welcome, and Discovery Center. And on remote we've got Mimi Davis standing out on the Mountain Dew Sky Bridge. She's out there at the Mountain Dew Sky Bridge, and the great big Zip Line, so much fun? We're gonna talk to Mimi out there by the way, I gotta tell ya the only place you can get a FREE pass - that's right, absolutely free passes for you and everyone in your car to the Mountain Dew Sky Bridge - is right here at the Discovery Center. Now let's get Mimi on the phone and, uhhh, let's go see what's goin' on out there at the Sky Bridge.
[Phone ringing]
MIMI: HellOOOoooo!
KENT: Heeey, Mimi, how are yaaa?
MIMI: Heey, Kent, I'm great! How are things at the Discovery Center?
KENT: Do you know what, it's packed today, we're havin' so much fun at the aaall new, Smokies Official Welcome Center, annnd Discovery center we're havin sooo much fun we're playin' Duck Dynasty. We've got all kind of cool free giveaways today-
MIMI: (?) It sounds like you guys are havin a blllast!
KENT: We are, but I wanna know what's goin' on at the Sky Bridge, I'm kinda jealous, You get to be outside on this beautiful day, I mean I looove being at the Discovery Center but, you're out there on the Mountain Dew Sky Bridge, it's the longest glass-bottom bridge in the country, and it's *right here* in the Great Smoky Mountains. Tell me what's goin' on out there.

In this one, Mimi, talking to Kent, reminds us that "The only place to get these free passes to the Mountain Dew Sky Bridge is from you, at the Smokies Official..."

The other 4 interviews begin and end this exact way:
Beginning:
(a few seconds of generic 90's-sounding country music)
KENT: Hey folks, as you know, we're havin' a great day here at the Smokies Official Welcome and Discovery Center, and of course we're givin' away free passes to the Mountain Dew Sky Bridge, alll day long today, and the only place you can get them is *right here*, at the Smokies Official Welcome and Discovery Center. Now Mimi Davis is standing by live out there, we're gonna give'er a call, She is on her cell phone out there we're gonna call'er, she's out there, at the Mountian Dew Sky Bridge, now, she's gotta lot of folks who wanna say hi to us on the radio. Let's see if we can get'er on the phone heeere?
[Phone ringing]
MIMI: HellOOOoooo!
KENT: Heeey, Mimi, how are yaaa?
MIMI: Heey, Kent, I'm great! How are things at the Discovery Center?
KENT: Do you know what, it's packed today, we're havin' soo much fun at the aaall new, Smokies Official Welcome Center, annnd Discovery center we're havin sooo much fun we're playin' Duck Dynasty. We've got all kinds of cool free giveaways today-
MIMI: (?) It sounds like you guys are havin a blllast!
KENT: We are, but I wanna know what's goin' on at the Sky Bridge, I'm kinda jealous, You get to be outside on this beautiful day, I mean I looove being at the Discovery Center but, you're out there on the Mountain Dew Sky Bridge, it's the longest glass-bottom bridge in the country, and it's *right here* in the Great Smoky Mountains. Tell me what's goin' on out there.

End:
KENT: Mimi, are you still out there?
MIMI: (short laugh) Yeah, Kent I'm right here.
KENT: Alllright, we're jumpin' back into the fun here at the Discovery Center, how bout if I call and check in with ya here in a few minutes?
MIMI: I'll be here all day.
KENT: That's Mimi Davis, our gal, out on the Mountain Dew Sky Bridge havin' a blast. Mimi talk to ya soon.
MIMI: Thanks, Kent.
KENT: Youuu got it. And of course, folks, stay tuned, stop in here at the Discovery Center, sooo much fun goin' on today. We've got Duck Dynasty Trivia happenin' all day. And don't forget, folks, the *only* place you can get a free pass for the all-new Mountain Dew Sky Bridgrerrz right here at the Smokies Official Welcome and Discovery Center. Again a free pass for you and everyone in your car, to the all-new Mountain Dew Sky Bridge and it's *only* available here, at the Smokies Official Welcome, and Discovery Center. Back in just a few minutes, here, from the Discovery Center. I'm Kent Emmons your *voice* of the Great Smoky Mountains.
(a few seconds of generic 90's-sounding country music)

Well, they're not completely alike. They do use different generic 90's-sounding country music on each interview. One remarkable thing is the amazing fidelity of Mimi, and the people she talks to, coming from 1 cell phone. One of the interviews dealt with kids. Not only was this Skyler's birthday, there also happened to be triplets there, too. The kids on this interview sounded a lot like the kids who said they wanted to go to "Tri-Citic in Pigeon Forge". At one point, Kent asked the kids "So tell me the truth, what's more fun, playing pin the tail on the donkey, or going down the zip line?" They seemed to give mixed-up answers, at least one of them sounding to me like "Pin the tail on the donkey", but Kent somehow determined "I think it's unanimous. The Zip Line it is." I think the only time we hear the mantra of "fastest, longest, and highest zip line" now is only in one of these interviews, and it's only said twice - once by Mimi and once by Kent. Then there's "Granny", who just went through the zip line "4 times. And I'm ready to go again."

They even use the interviews as one of the things in the commercial break between Bob Eubanks' introduction to "Short Stories about Big People" and the story itself. Like we're sitting on the edge of our seats waiting for those stories, and they're just gonna grab us with those interviews. Puh-lease.

I never commented on any of the stories, but I've just gotta mention this piece of Information Bob gives us on one of them.
"Back in the 80's there was a prime-time television show on CBS called 'Hee Haw'." I'll spare you the entire story, to talk about Bob mentioning the "1-hour time difference between Georgia and Tennessee." HOOboy. Nashville is in the central time zone, but a pretty big chunk of the state is on eastern time, as is the entire state of Georgia. He should've specified Nashville.

In an earlier post, Jeff Laurence mentioned one of the things said in the "Chatting with the Stars" interview for the Comedy Barn. So I gave it a listen. First of all, one of the guys, Bob Nelson, gave this answer to what brings him, who has worked with Rodney Dangerfield and other comedy work, to the Smokies. I believe that this is the story of the lives of the people who perform in these Pigeon Forge "theaters".
"It was an accident. I am in the Witness Protection Program, and this is where they put me."

If I may, I'd like to give the exact quote of the comment Jeff mentioned in his post:
Danny Devaney: They leave there laughing so they got tears in their eyes. And if we see people leaving there without tears in their eyes, we start pokin' them in the eyes on the way out the door. You will tear up at the Comedy Barn, man, it's gonna happen.
Bob: That's our slogan.

They have "live" interviews with the sky bridge running late at night as much as they do in the daytime. I think they have Kent saying that he "just heard" about the free fudge certificates less often late at night than the daytime, but that seems to be the only difference programming-wise between daytime and late at night.

♫ And we're comin',
to yo ci-tehhhh.
Gonna play our guitars and sing you a country SAAAWWww ♫ [cuts off]

 

[gr8oldies]

Hokey as it sounds, they're making money hand over fist. They aren't designed to be your a "listen all day at work" station. Smoky Mountain Radio's sole purpose is to get you to stop at that welcome center (and more than likely sign up for a time-share tour). They are in a unique position to be able to track their success-they know many people stop in and ask about Duck Dynasty trivia. The folks that see the billboard and tune in don't know, or care, that no one is live at the zipline (yes, Wahoo Ziplines does exist-you'll find their brochure thing at most of the racks with the others). Theater of the mind-folks think there's a party going on at the welcome center. The station needs a TSL of about 20 minutes. I will be the one to tell you that if it was mine, I'd do largely the same thing. Hmm, I could go to some other format and beat the streets 12 hours a day begging a local hardware store to buy dollar a holler spots, or have the attractions paying me buku bucks - and if I had a contract with a resort and welcome center I'd be yodeling all the way to the bank. A couple things I would do differently would be to add some weather and traffic -easy to automate with WATE's "East Tennessee Weather Networks" - and maybe even Pete Michaels traffic during peak time (how far is 40 backed up at the 407?). I might actually have a live personality at the welcome center at times. Mixx 105.5 does an excellent job as Sevier County's hometown local station. I wouldn't see any reason to duplicate that, especially with most of the major formats coming in from Knoxville. WSEV isn't mine or any radio person's idea of "good radio" but there's nothing wrong with serving tourists in a tourist market.

 

[Sammy Reed]

First of all, there has been no mention of the Grand Crowne Resort on the station for over a year now. I'd guess whoever owns the Mt. Dew Sky Bridge / Wahoo Zip Line must've bought Grand Crowne's chunk of it. I guess we'll have to wait for the website that tells who owns what station to update and make it more clear for us.

That "theater of the mind" shuts down pretty quick as soon as someone who heard the so-called bunch of people in the background on the station goes in and finds hardly anyone there. If nothing else, all the easier to take those pictures "posing" with the "Duck Dynasty" cast, I guess. Anyway, if a station is designed to attract visitors coming in (to a place that is already "the rest stop" for many of the people going to Pigeon Forge anyway), with no regard to really whether they attract the same people to listen to the station on their next vacation or not, the amount of people will run out eventually. Then what?

I like that latest weather & traffic idea - at least something new every once in a while to break the monotony! And again, perhaps a little more attractive for people to listen to the station again "next time". My personal idea for a format at the moment: classic country and bluegrass - something that is connected with the area, and to the things there. It can market the station as something that truly connects with the area. They can have the commercials for businesses, perhaps more of a stress on "theaters" and other attractions since the station is tourist-oriented. And in doing all this, perhaps attract more of them to buy ad time than the handful of sponsors they have now.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a tourist radio station - that's enjoyable to hear (as opposed to annoying), and has some class.

 

[jwk1979]

KENT: We are, but I wanna know what's goin' on at the Sky Bridge, I'm kinda jealous, You get to be outside on this beautiful day, I mean I looove being at the Discovery Center but, you're out there on the Mountain Dew Sky Bridge, it's the longest glass-bottom bridge in the country, and it's *right here* in the Great Smoky Mountains. Tell me what's goin' on out there.

I was in Knoxville over the weekend tending to family business and heard that yesterday, knowing it had to be a recording. Yesterday was anything thing but a beautiful day weather wise in the Smokies. It was extremely cold, winding, raining and later spitting snow. I wonder if anyone else thought the same thing that I was thinking if they heard that yesterday?