2011 Christmas Turkeys

[ka2xuk]

With Christmas almost here (it is Christmas Eve as I write this), I would like to open the nominations for Christmas Turkey of 2011. A Christmas Turkey, as described here, is an absolutely horrible Christmas song that is played to death on local radio stations. It can also be described as a Christmas "evergreen" that has long ago turned brown and dropped its needles.

Here are my nominations:

1. "Feliz Navidad" by José Feliciano. While it is actually not a bad song, do we really have to hear it 20 times a day?

2. "The Christmas Shoes". Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time of the year. But this song is so depressing, it makes one want to take a cyanide pill!

3. In a similar vein is a song about a cat and mouse that were freezing and one of them died. Who writes this crap, anyway? Besides, if the cat were one of mine, it would simply have eaten the mouse...or left it for me as a "present"!

4. Anything by Mannheim Steamroller. Their music is fruitcake for the ears. Like fruitcake, it only comes out around the holidays. And, like fruitcake, it's an acquired taste.

5. The same goes for anything by Trans-Siberian Orchestra, except, maybe, for that choral arrangement that almost sounds like an old commercial jingle for Velamints or some similar product. Their fusion of rock and classical is about as nauseating as having sardines with cantaloupe and cream soda or pizza with milk. YECCHHHH!

6. "Dominic the Christmas Donkey". Really not a bad song, but do we really have to hear it fifty times a day on the local Christmas music station?

Of course, my selections are influenced by my own tastes. At my age, those Christmas sugar plums have given way to candied prunes. And, what exactly is a sugar plum, anyway?

 

[Seltzer]

With Christmas almost here (it is Christmas Eve as I write this), I would like to open the nominations for Christmas Turkey of 2011. A Christmas Turkey, as described here, is an absolutely horrible Christmas song that is played to death on local radio stations. It can also be described as a Christmas "evergreen" that has long ago turned brown and dropped its needles.

Here are my nominations:

1. "Feliz Navidad" by José Feliciano. While it is actually not a bad song, do we really have to hear it 20 times a day?

2. "The Christmas Shoes". Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time of the year. But this song is so depressing, it makes one want to take a cyanide pill!

3. In a similar vein is a song about a cat and mouse that were freezing and one of them died. Who writes this crap, anyway? Besides, if the cat were one of mine, it would simply have eaten the mouse...or left it for me as a "present"!

4. Anything by Mannheim Steamroller. Their music is fruitcake for the ears. Like fruitcake, it only comes out around the holidays. And, like fruitcake, it's an acquired taste.

5. The same goes for anything by Trans-Siberian Orchestra, except, maybe, for that choral arrangement that almost sounds like an old commercial jingle for Velamints or some similar product. Their fusion of rock and classical is about as nauseating as having sardines with cantaloupe and cream soda or pizza with milk. YECCHHHH!

6. "Dominic the Christmas Donkey". Really not a bad song, but do we really have to hear it fifty times a day on the local Christmas music station?

Of course, my selections are influenced by my own tastes. At my age, those Christmas sugar plums have given way to candied prunes. And, what exactly is a sugar plum, anyway?

Could state the obvious..your "turkeys" are songs that research best. Now if you want to nominate turkeys, let's go straight to the biggest turkey/grinch of 2011-------LEW DICKEY and his Cumulus hitsquad for what they've done to seven radio professionals..many long term to the market.

 

[L.A. Tarone]

While I agree with Seltzer about the Cumulus hit squad and the professional assassination of good people who deserved far better, with ka2xuk’s original post:
I agree completely with Manheim Steamroller and Trans Siberian Orchestra. Hate them both! Pre-fab, emotion-devoid, perfunctory Muzak. “Christmas Shoes” is a pretty song, and pretty gut-wrenching (cynanide inducing?), but do we have to hear it so often?
They may research well, but that doesn’t mean they’re good music – they’re not.
Others I could live without: the omni-present “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer,” the Singing Dogs’ “Jingle Bells,” McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmas Time” (horrendous piece of dreck), Lennon’s “Happy Xmas” (Viet Nam’s over, folks), and several others.
Years ago when I was doing The Sunday Night Hall of Fame, I played several records every year I was hoping other stations would pick up and play more often, but it obviously never happened. For instance, Santo and Johnny’s “Jingle Bells” (flying guitars with a real neat swing); The Ramones’ “Merry Christmas Baby” (great poetry about soothing a rocky marriage for the kids); Charlie Parker’s sailin’ version of “White Christmas;” Art Carney’s rollicking “’Twas the Night Before Christmas;” Solomon Burke’s “Presents for Christmas;” Nolan Strong and the Diablos’ version of “White Christmas,” and a few others.
But, I do love hearing cuts from Phil Specter’s Christmas Album every ear – can’t hear Darlene Love’s “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home).”
I also like the old traditional stuff – Vikki Carr, Jerry Vale, Vic Damone, Sinatra, Bennett, Martha Wright, etc. Not much of that is heard anymore either.
I know, I sound as dated as a Ford Falcon.

 

[mevansrock]

This is fun. Yes, I too do NOT understand the appeal of the TSO. And years in radio have soured me on the usual dreck -- especially SPRINGSTEEN'S "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town."

L.A. TYRONE made an EXCELLENT point. Just because something tests well, doesn't mean it's good music -- it's NOT! Someone once said "The masses are asses" and when it comes to music, that's true about 75% of the time. So about three years ago, I raided my CD and vinyl collection and made two mixed CD's of all of my holiday favorites. That's about 2 and 1/2 hours worth of music. Perfect for once a year. The only thing I left off was the SPECTOR stuff because that album is fine from start to finish. So here's the playlist. Yeah, some of these are "guilty pleasures" but it suits me just fine. See how many of these YOU like and/or recognize.

1. CHRISTMAS MESSAGE 1967 -- The Beatles
2. THE TWELVE GIFTS OF CHRISTMAS -- Allan Sherman
3. SILENT NIGHT -- Bad Reigion
4. I BELIEVE IN FATHER CHRISTMAS -- Greg Lake
5. CASHING IN ON CHRISTMAS -- Bad News
6. GLORIA -- Elastica
7. CHRISTMAS WRAPPING -- The Waitresses
8. I WANT A HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR CHRSITMAS -- Gayla Peevey
9. THE MERRY CHRISTMAS MEDLEY -- The Four Seasons
10. THANKS FOR CHRISTMAS -- XTC
11. I YUST GO NUTS AT CHRISTMAS -- Yogi Yorgesson
12. IT FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS -- The Muppets Christmas Carol
13. DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS (LONG VERSION) -- bBand Aid
14. SKATING -- Vince Guaraldi Trio
15. HARK, THE HEARLD ANGELS SING -- Vince Guaraldi Trio/Peanuts
16. GREEN CHRISTMAS --Stan Freberg
17. THE CLOSING OF THE YEAR -- Wendy and Lisa/Toys
18. CHRISTMAS DAY -- Squeeze
19. FROSTY THE SNOWMAN -- The Brady Bunch
20. LITTLE DRUMMER BOY -- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
21. SILENT NIGHT -- Erasure
22. CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN -- Monty Python
23. 2000 MILES -- The Pretenders
24. STOP THE CAVLARY -- Jona Lewie
25. THE RETURN OF THE RED BARON -- Royal Guardsmen
26. CHRISTMAS MESSGAE 1968 -- THe Beatles
27. DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR? -- Bobby Lloyd and the Skeletons
28. GABRIEL'S MESSAGE -- Sting
29. CHRISTMAS DAY -- Linda Scott
30. TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS -- Bob and Doug McKenzie
31. DOWNTOWN -- The Justified Ancients of Mu-Mu
32. MARY'S BOY CHILD -- Boney M
33. WHITE IS THE WINTER NIGHT -- Enya
34. HANUKKAH ROCKS -- Gefilte Joe and the Fish
35. MERRY CHRISTMAS BABY (I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT TONIGHT) -- The Ramones
36. FOREIGNERS -- Bob Rivers
37. BLUE CHRISTMAS -- Danielle Dax
38. CHRISTMAS WITH THE DEVIL -- Spinal Tap
39. A SPACEMEN CAME TRAVELLING -- Chris DeBurgh
40. FAIRYTALE OF NEW YORK -- The Pogues with Kirsty MacColl BEST EVER!!!!!!
41. WHITE CHRISTMAS -- The Drifters
42. FATHER CHRISTMAS -- The Kinks

Well that's what Christmas sounds like at the Evans house. Happy holidays to all!

MIKE EVANS

 

[ka2xuk]

Others I could live without: the omni-present “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer,” the Singing Dogs’ “Jingle Bells,” McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmas Time” (horrendous piece of dreck), Lennon’s “Happy Xmas” (Viet Nam’s over, folks), and several others.

If I'm not mistaken, Billboard magazine listed "Jingle Bells" by the Singing Dogs as the worst record of 1971. It definitely qualifies as a Christmas Turkey!

One Christmas song that is definitely NOT a turkey is "The Real Meaning of Christmas" by BeBe and CeCe Winans. I heard it a couple of years ago on WDAS-FM in Philly. It rips all of the fairy tales and commercialization that have sprung up around Christmas. But you won't ever hear that song up here...it's "too urban" (code word for "too black") for the local stations.

Agreed on all the others. Yes, those songs may "test well" in those mysterious focus groups in New York, Chicago, Dallas, Atlanta, or wherever they may be...but they are horribly overplayed and many of them are just crappy music.

 

[Zenith Transoceanic]

2. THE TWELVE GIFTS OF CHRISTMAS -- Allan Sherman

What, are you a masochist?

 

[L.A. Tarone]

Mevansrock:
Good call on the Pretenders' "2000 Miles." Great tune. The Gayla Peevy song is cute, but I think if it was played a lot more it might become annoying. And Jona Lewie! Wow, there's a name I haven't heard in years; decades! "Stop the Cavalry" was a good tune. But I think if he's remembered at all it's for "You'll Always Find Me In the Kitchen at Parties." Stiff Records, as I remember. Plus, in the perhaps silly department, if you have the vinyl version of The Rolling Stones' "Their Satanic Majesties Request," there's a short, untitled track at the end of Side One. If you play it at 45 speed, it's "We Wish You A Merry Christmas." I'm a huge Stones fan, but I couldn't put it on a "Best Of" list

 

[Seltzer]

Mevansrock:
Good call on the Pretenders' "2000 Miles." Great tune. The Gayla Peevy song is cute, but I think if it was played a lot more it might become annoying. And Jona Lewie! Wow, there's a name I haven't heard in years; decades! "Stop the Cavalry" was a good tune. But I think if he's remembered at all it's for "You'll Always Find Me In the Kitchen at Parties." Stiff Records, as I remember. Plus, in the perhaps silly department, if you have the vinyl version of The Rolling Stones' "Their Satanic Majesties Request," there's a short, untitled track at the end of Side One. If you play it at 45 speed, it's "We Wish You A Merry Christmas." I'm a huge Stones fan, but I couldn't put it on a "Best Of" list

And this is what makes the IPOD great. If this is your choice to listen to these songs, go for it.

But in the world of "for profit" radio, playing what the MAJORITY of your audience has said they like, is the way to go. That's why many of these songs on these lists will never play. Radio plays for the masses, not the audiophiles.

 

[dmer]

Some of what makes a Christmas song a "Turkey" is the fact that it is played 20 times in a day. Feliz Navidad is an ok Christmas song, but after the 5th time in an 8 hour workday, it starts to wear on you to the point I can't stand it. TSO is another. They have a whole album of music, yet I only ever hear 2 on the radio. If they were to expand the playlist, maybe TSO wouldn't annoy me quite as much.

I hate radio consultants (just from a radio standpoint, not personally ;D). They alway tell us what "we" want to hear. They tell us we want to hear "Carol of the Bells" by TSO 10 to 20 times a day from Thanksgiving to Christmas, or "Holly Jolly Christmas" from Burl Ives endlessly. I've always said people are not going to shut of Magic 93 because they play "Santa Clause is Coming to Town" by Burl Ives. I think people would like some variety. I've talked to numerous people who love Christmas music say the only thing that bothers them is the endless repetition.

One of my favorite Christmas songs is "I Believe in Father Christmas" by Greg Lake. I heard it once this Christmas season on the radio. Carol of the Bells by TSO, I even heard that on stations that weren't playing all Christmas endlessly. One of the may reasons I went and bought my own CD's.

I will say that one of the better stations this Christmas for Christmas music was WAZL. They went old school and gradually increased their Christmas music as Christmas got closer. They went from 2 or 3 songs an hour to several an hour until Christmas eve, and they played a decent variety.

I actually like "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney. I know a lot of Beatles and McCartney fans dislike it intensely, but for whatever reason, I always thought it wasn't Christmas without it. I will say, I don't need to hear it 15 times a day.