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A little humor for us "radio" folks.

B

board monkey

We do a LOT of b1tching on this board and sometimes get a kick out of others posts. Well maybe it's time we have a thread for stricly "radio" humor. Please feel free to add to these if one has been missed. I saw this a LONG time ago and it rang true then too.


YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you turn up the radio excitedly at the sound of dead air on your competitor's station.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you have 37 unlabeled 15 minute cassettes in your back seat.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you listen to the radio "invertedly", turning up the volume during promos, sweepers, and talksets, and flipping to another station during music.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you drive around aimlessly looking for an unlit 4 tower array just to see it.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you swear at the competition while driving when you hear a song they beat you to.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you've ever heard of a "cart".

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you tell someone you plan to go to lunch "coming up next hour".

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you have 125 unopened CDs you'll never listen to but, never more than $3 cash.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you use phrases like "If I was programming the music, I would NEVER/ALWAYS/etc..."

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you have lived in six cities in eight years.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you remember what "When you play it, say it!" means.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......You get excited at sunset and drive by the towers just to hear the phase shift.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you know at just what mile marker a certain station will/will not come in.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you kicked the transmitter up to 50,000 Watts at night just so your friends to the south could hear you (even if it was just for a few minutes)...

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you drive north/south/east/west just to get that certain station.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you drive a $500.00 piece of crap while the sales weasels have $50,000 Lexus.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF .....You put up with it.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......You find yourself talking to yourself all the time to see how you sound.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you base your trip plans on what stations you want to hear.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you get a memo about how to report overtime and you wonder which overtime is overtime.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......two days off in a row is considered a "long weekend."

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you can recite the five-day forecast from memory.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you forgot what kind you music you like, but instead like songs because they sound good after the jingle.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you work on holidays.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you have been listening to the football game your station is airing for two hours and you don't know who's winning.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you can tell what time it is when listening to the radio even if they don't give the time.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you have dozens of tapes of radio stations that play music you don't like.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you listen to a station that's barely coming in.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you tune in to a station before it signs on.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......your maps are covered with circles and dots.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you are a "seasoned pro" after two years in the business.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you have a dozen radios, but you need them all.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you have copies of both the album version and radio edit.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you aren't a sports fan but you know who won and when they play next.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you have recurring nightmares about bad airshifts filled with dead air.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......you interview the governor and drive off in a junker.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO.....At Christmas dinner, you backsell the Christmas presents, explaining that "Unopened ones around the corner, stick around".

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF....when the hotline rings you break into a cold sweat.

YOU MIGHT BR IN RADIO IF....your production/remote load exceeds your airshift and your friends ARE NOT in radio when they say you "have it made" working 4 hours just playing music.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF....you begin to like the music you are playing even though you have been faking it for years.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you can run to the can, drop a load while smoking a cigarette and make it back for the last 15 seconds of a 4 min. song.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you keep telling yourself,"this chick on the phone really might be hot...this could be the one".

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...said chick turns out to really be hot and your one goal is to have sex under the tower in back.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF.... every time you screw up the Program Director is listening and calls in to tell you how bad you are and he misses the 4 hours of dead air your idiot co-worker had.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you're called 10 minutes before a shift starts and told you have to work it and you live 20 minutes away.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF..... you can recite all the spots in a break.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF..... the one time you need the power generator is the one day the electrician didnt have time to hook it up.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you have ever had to call a supervisor more then once on the same day at 3 A.M.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...your chief engineer has ever had to talk you through how to fix a transmitter from over a cell phone.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... the equipment at your station decides to stop working properly and just go to hell on a holiday weekend when no one can be reached.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF....you recite I.D's and sweepers from different stations just to annoy your friends.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF....when your at home and you answer the phone and give the stations call letters.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you answer the phone and tell someone their caller #6

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF....you do an air shift in your dreams.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...on a holiday weekend, you're the only one at the station.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF... you talk about how much better your competition's webcast sounds over your stations actual broadcast.
YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you are on the air every holiday.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF....you talk to friends in a "radio voice"

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you have ever taped a boring conversation with someone and turned it into something funny.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you can hit the post on any ramp in your playlist, but can only sing the hooks from songs that are in your music promos.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you have a CD player in your car, but no tape deck, and are mad! (because you can't listen to your aircheck from that day).

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you are well into your thirties and have been hit on by a 13-year-old girl on the request line.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you hate everyone's favorite song because it doesn't have an intro.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...when you think of your fantasy girl or guy it is always someone in a band - not a movie star.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you actually own white cassette tapes.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you don't know whether to introduce yourself at parties...with your air-name or your real name.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you know how long it takes you to take a dump by song title.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...two months ago when you worked at the car wash you could jog a mile without being out of breath and now it is tough for you to get from your car to the LazEboy.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you know what temperature it is.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you make your friends listen to airchecks and they have no idea what you are talking about.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you refer to nighttime as "the weekend"

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you don't assume DJs are attractive.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO.....if you hear your competition using catch phrases and you pull over to the side of the road screaming, "Thats mine Damnit!" - while your kids look at you as if you've finally snapped.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO.....iF you tell your wife/girl/boyfriend, "Coming up next hour we'll be hearing from the inlaws, plus we have a new dinner today you're going to really like..."

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO.....if the first time you voice-tracked a shift, you stayed up until 4 A.M. to catch every break.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO.....if your boss mispelled your last name and called you Dennis for the first six months, and asked you how you like working at the Country station when you worked at the hot Adult Contemporary station next door.

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF...you have found that 7-inch reels of tape DO decay over time when stored in the garage.


Enjoy. Add to it. he11 just laugh some. For those that are just "listeners", yes most if not all of these have happened to us.
 
7" reels decay just about anywhere, especially if the tape has anti-static backcoating. :( I've had to bake many a reel in my day, to make it playable long enough to dump it to another source. So I guess this means you might be in radio if you have actually had to bake tape. It also applies to masterin g engineers, etc.

You might be in radio if you have actually reloaded carts with new pads and tape.

You might be in radio if you have your own studio at home. You REALLY might be in radio if you have had such a home studio for over two decades! You are SERIOUSLY ADDICTED to radio if your home studio has working cart machines, open reel decks and all other similar gear found in past / present radio studios. Just having a computer doesn't count either, unless you have some type of automation-like playout software on it.

I could go on and on, but that's plenty for starters. :eek:
 
Here's a similar one I posted to my website a while back (credited to Steve Lager of KCIY-Kansas City):

You know you're an aging DJ when...

You were first hired by a GM who actually worked in radio before becoming GM.

You excitedly turn the radio up at the sound of dead air on the competitor's station.

You were playing Elvis' number one hits when he was alive.

Engineers could actually fix things without sending them back to the manufacturer.

You worked for only one station, and you could name the guy who owned it.

You remember when normal people listened to AM radio, and no one listened to FM.

Radio stations used to have enough on-air talent to field a softball team every summer.

You know the difference between good reel-to-reel tape and cheap reel-to-reel tape.

You have a white wax pencil, a razor blade, and a spool of 3M splicing tape in your desk drawer - just in case.

You know people who actually listened to baseball games on the radio.

You could start a record, run to the bathroom, and be back in 2:37 for the station break.

You knew exactly where to put the tone on the end of a carted song.

You spent most of the time on Friday nights giving out the high school football scores.

You only did "make-goods" if the client complained. Otherwise, who cared?

You can remember the name of the very first female DJ hired in your market.

Somebody would say, "You have a face for radio," and it was still funny.

Sixty percent of your wardrobe has a station logo on it.

You always had a screwdriver in the studio so you could repair a fouled-up cart.

Agents were people like James Bond and "The Man from Uncle" - and insurance salesmen.

You would spend hours splicing and editing a parody tape until it was just right, but didn't care how bad that commercial
was you recorded.

You still refer to CDs as records.

You played practical jokes on the air without fear of lawsuits.

You answer your home phone with the station call letters.

You used to fight with the news guy over airtime.

You knew how to change the ribbon on the teletype machine.

You had listeners who only tuned in for the news, and you could never figure that out.

You know at least three people in sales who take credit for saving your job.

You remember when Brenda Lee was rock and roll.

You have several old aircheck tapes in a cardboard box in your closet that you wouldn't dream of letting anyone hear,
but you'll never throw them out or tape over them. Never!

You still have dreams of a song running out and you can’t find the control room door.

People who ride in your car ask, "Why is your radio so loud?"

You have at least 19 pictures of you with famous people whom you haven't seen since, who wouldn't know you today -
but you won’t throw them out.

You were a half-hour late for a remote and blamed it on the salesperson’s directions.

You've run a phone contest and nobody called, so you made up a name and gave the tickets to your cousin.

You remember when people actually thought radio was important.
 
Hmmm the difference between cheap open reel tape and good open reel tape? You mean Radio Shack vs. Ampex / Scotch / BASF / AGFA right? That Radio Shack stuff wasn't too bad, considering I have some of it. But it's not what I'd have used for "serious" work. ;)

And regarding that box of airchecks... Yeah I have one myself, and I am reusing them for something else. It's too painful to keep those anymore. I have also tossed other stuff like bumper stickers, t-shirts (a bunch!) etc... for the same reason.
 
Ok I got one

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF.......You are in a store that sells radios and you turn all of them on to your station.
 
I emptied my closet a few years back when it got over ran by station t shirts and stuff. My friends benefited though. ;)

I still have the "dead air nightmares". You know when you wake up reaching for a button to push to get something on the air, till you realize your in your bed. ::) ;D

YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF......... most of your favorite songs have been ruined by hearing them used as music beds. I still hear the production audio when I hear certain songs on the radio.

sctr, sounds like you have quite the studio in your home. Mine is far more generic for production value. laptop, mixing board, monitors, mics.
 
One time, after years of selfless service, I was kicked out by a new program director. He was very rude about it, too. So I took all my station tee-shirts and handed them out at the railroad bridge down the street from the station, where the 'homeless' people gathered. They all wore those shirts for WEEKS. Every day the new boss drove to work, past that gaggle of scruffy street people, seeing his 'station demographic'.
Good times....
BTW- I always went with one mil tape... or one and a half, even two mil if I could find it, never that half mil radio snack crap. I still have the splice tape, the blades, the block, dozens of carts, dozens of reels, two cart machines, two reel to reel machines and a bunch of other old radio debris up in the attic.
And I still get that dream where the commercial ends, the song isn't cued, and I have nothing to say.
g
 
With all the talk of the old tape and cart machines, how is holding a bulk eraser? Juss askin.
 
I have a bulk eraser, but rarely use it. For carts, I have a Dynamax cart eraser / splice finder. The only time I don't use the Dynamax unit, is if the cart is an ITC/Scotchcart. Those suckers don't hold up well in the high speed eraser / splice finder unit. Gotta sit down with a topless cart machine to manually watch for the splices in those carts. :-[
 
I've spliced tape and boy am I glad those days are over!
 
Lee Anderson said:
You might be in production if, you have a copy of Adobe Audition on every computer you own, because you never know when the moment will strike and you need to create a killer piece.
Click to expand...

I do have AA 1.5 on two computers, but not for that reason. One of the PC's has AA on it in case of emergency with the primary PC.
 
Lee Anderson said:
You might be in production if, you have a copy of Adobe Audition on every computer you own, because you never know when the moment will strike and you need to create a killer piece.
Click to expand...

You got that right. My home PC and the laptop have Cool Edit 2.0 running on them.
 
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