Well as I live and breath... The MaddoG has returned to these hallowed halls once again, fulfilling the prophecies as first laid out in the Rick Dees Chronicles, a mouldering old tome discovered in the sub-basement of Grimsley High School in Greensboro, NC in 1973 by a delightfully perky young sophomore co-ed named Darlene while lost in the darkened catacombs as a part of a social club hazing ritual. Armed only with a flashlight and her limited wits, Darlene stumbled across a tightly sealed crate with the ominous Grimsley "Whirli-gig" school mascot logo stenciled on the lid. Atop the lid lay a rusty old pry bar which Darlene used to pry the lid from the crate. As she strained her lithe muscles to their breaking point, at last the stubborn nails gave up their purchase in the ancient wood and let go with a screeching squeal like a thousand tortured freshman souls finally released from the first floor lockers of Hades, set loose to reek their fumbling havoc on the acne-pocked, awkward denizens of this storied intitution of higher education.
As the lid slid free and tumbled to the damp, dirt floor Darlene was assaulted by the gassy, moist stench of the ages as a noxious cloud of decay and ruin roiled up from within the crate, accompanied by a final cry from the souls of the damned as they climbed on the rising updrafts of putrification and dismay at last set free to ruin. As the last of the ghastly decay disipated, Darlene, her heart pounding in her chest like John Henry's fabled hammer, looked into the oaken box and gazed upon these things:
A half-ounce of grass, a rough draft version of a novelty song with the words "Ballroom Beaver" marked out and replaced with "Disco Duck", a WGBG employee I.D. badge, a Foghat 8-track and an envelope which contained the later-named, "Rick Dees Chronicles", a multi-paged, hand written document containing a series of prophetic musings written in quatrain verse.
These verses spoke of a wide range of future events including the advent of "goober grape" (a sandwich spread containing peanut butter and grape jelly swirled into one convenient jar), the foretelling of an Alien Life Form who will walk among earthlings consuming cats and pestering Willie on NBC and his most famous verse, "The Quatrain of MaddoG" the full text of which is as follows:
There shall come among us from the 'Ville of Greene
a MaddoG whose nayme must be spoken softe
Vast will be his scorne and wrathe for ye who
in Raydio doth continue to toil ,a pittance shall be thye prize
And so shall he depart from the Board of messages for lo many months
Yet again shall he return, the stroke of his keyboarde
Shall be as the lashing from a fork'ed tongue
Woe shall be thye garment, dismay thye wardrobe
Nine Brave warriors from Atlanta shall be the root of his message,
Forty-three horseless carriages shall he bring you on the seventh day
Each moves fast and left shall be their turn until one claims
The banner of Black and White, waved from the tower on high
Buccaneer battles shall he bring to you on Wednesdaye night and Saturdaye
The halls he will trod haunted by the voice of Sando and Meade, Helman and Overbay
Both Carays shall he channel, Skip of the drink and the younger son
Yay until he returns all those in his range to the Syndicate of Espn, on the wings of the bird
Linguistic scholars have studied these ancient texts for decades in an attempt to decode the ominous messages contained within. As yet, there remain more questions than answers.
In short,
Welcome back Mad Dog, I for one have missed you.
Slop Jockey
As the lid slid free and tumbled to the damp, dirt floor Darlene was assaulted by the gassy, moist stench of the ages as a noxious cloud of decay and ruin roiled up from within the crate, accompanied by a final cry from the souls of the damned as they climbed on the rising updrafts of putrification and dismay at last set free to ruin. As the last of the ghastly decay disipated, Darlene, her heart pounding in her chest like John Henry's fabled hammer, looked into the oaken box and gazed upon these things:
A half-ounce of grass, a rough draft version of a novelty song with the words "Ballroom Beaver" marked out and replaced with "Disco Duck", a WGBG employee I.D. badge, a Foghat 8-track and an envelope which contained the later-named, "Rick Dees Chronicles", a multi-paged, hand written document containing a series of prophetic musings written in quatrain verse.
These verses spoke of a wide range of future events including the advent of "goober grape" (a sandwich spread containing peanut butter and grape jelly swirled into one convenient jar), the foretelling of an Alien Life Form who will walk among earthlings consuming cats and pestering Willie on NBC and his most famous verse, "The Quatrain of MaddoG" the full text of which is as follows:
There shall come among us from the 'Ville of Greene
a MaddoG whose nayme must be spoken softe
Vast will be his scorne and wrathe for ye who
in Raydio doth continue to toil ,a pittance shall be thye prize
And so shall he depart from the Board of messages for lo many months
Yet again shall he return, the stroke of his keyboarde
Shall be as the lashing from a fork'ed tongue
Woe shall be thye garment, dismay thye wardrobe
Nine Brave warriors from Atlanta shall be the root of his message,
Forty-three horseless carriages shall he bring you on the seventh day
Each moves fast and left shall be their turn until one claims
The banner of Black and White, waved from the tower on high
Buccaneer battles shall he bring to you on Wednesdaye night and Saturdaye
The halls he will trod haunted by the voice of Sando and Meade, Helman and Overbay
Both Carays shall he channel, Skip of the drink and the younger son
Yay until he returns all those in his range to the Syndicate of Espn, on the wings of the bird
Linguistic scholars have studied these ancient texts for decades in an attempt to decode the ominous messages contained within. As yet, there remain more questions than answers.
In short,
Welcome back Mad Dog, I for one have missed you.
Slop Jockey