A
AliceTheCook
Guest
I can imagine the "power sessions" that management must already be having about how to position The Bone with the Cowboys, to try to exploit the 18-34 blue collar male demo:
1. Station-sponsored mosh pit before and after each game.
2. Constant promotional tie-ins with Spike TV, Milwaukee's Best beer, any 4X4 truck shops, paintball ranges, strip clubs, monster truck races, motocross races at Texas Stadium, Hooter's, NASCAR (or any other car races, including go-carts,) gun shops, deer processors, pawn shops, traffic ticket services, bail bondsmen, Hustler magazine, head shops, Condoms-To-Go, gyms, steroids, Click's, ammo, any fast-food restaurants with a 99-cent menu, cigarettes/dip/snuff, check-cashing stores, payday-loan companies, Motel 6, Como Motel, Wizard's, rifle ranges, justice-of-the-peace offices, Parkland Hospital, mobile home manufacturers, cheap dentists, truck stops, taxidermists, WWF/WWE, spray paint, fireworks stands, tattoo parlors, cheap motor oil, fishing poles and equipment, Rent-A-Wreck, Bondo, lard, Spam, Williams' Chicken, Cruex, Rid lice remover, Boot Town, crab cream, DWI attorneys, aluminum can recyclers, Rodney D. Young, bait stores and above-ground swimming pool sellers.
3. Hiring of a Russ Martin wannabe to do an afternoon talk show with serious sports undertones.
4. Make Jeff K the official Cowboys "ambassador," since he's done such a STELLAR job in a similar role with the Stars. (It's almost not worth going to a Stars game anymore, to avoid having to see his stupid showboating every 5 mins.)
5. Reimage the "Bone Babes" where they'll actually be promoted as prostitutes (instead of it just being implied.)
6. Have Jerry Jones consider replacing the helmet's star with a confederate flag.
7. A day-long concert series with all the hair bands of the 80s reunited...Tesla, Twisted Sister, etc. on the floor of Texas Stadium.
8. A "Wish I Was" day, where lucky winners can trade their current occupation or interest for what they really had in mind to do: a security officer gets to become a Dallas cop for a day. An amateur hunter gets to dress up like GW Bush and shoot at Saddam Hussein dummies all day. A pickup truck driver gets use of a Lincoln Blackwood truck for the day. An oil change jockey gets to sit on the board of Exxon-Mobil for a day. A pager user gets to use a cellphone for the day. A guy with a fat wife gets use of a Bone Babe for the day.
9. Cheap, patriotic tie-ins with Cowboys' games, like "Nuke the Giants" day, "Open Up A Can of Whoop-A$$ on the Cardinals" promotion, "Smoke the Eagles Out of Their Foxholes" day, and distribution of "God, Country and Cowboys" bumper stickers.
10. Massive white trash tailgate parties before each Cowboys game, where participants can skin their own deer or possum in the parking lot, and any S-U-V drivers will be shot on the spot. And no grill necessary; just build your own bonfire on the asphalt.
11. And when it comes time for the Cowboys to move to the new stadium, lucky winners will be selected to knock down Texas Stadium by ramming their 4X4's into it.
12. Dollar beer day at every Cowboys' game, no limit.
13. Hire Pantera to come up with a Dallas Cowboys theme song, that we'll all be sick of hearing after the eighth or ninth playing in the same game.
Ya know, come to think of it, wouldn't the Cowboys be better suited for The Wolf instead?
1. Station-sponsored mosh pit before and after each game.
2. Constant promotional tie-ins with Spike TV, Milwaukee's Best beer, any 4X4 truck shops, paintball ranges, strip clubs, monster truck races, motocross races at Texas Stadium, Hooter's, NASCAR (or any other car races, including go-carts,) gun shops, deer processors, pawn shops, traffic ticket services, bail bondsmen, Hustler magazine, head shops, Condoms-To-Go, gyms, steroids, Click's, ammo, any fast-food restaurants with a 99-cent menu, cigarettes/dip/snuff, check-cashing stores, payday-loan companies, Motel 6, Como Motel, Wizard's, rifle ranges, justice-of-the-peace offices, Parkland Hospital, mobile home manufacturers, cheap dentists, truck stops, taxidermists, WWF/WWE, spray paint, fireworks stands, tattoo parlors, cheap motor oil, fishing poles and equipment, Rent-A-Wreck, Bondo, lard, Spam, Williams' Chicken, Cruex, Rid lice remover, Boot Town, crab cream, DWI attorneys, aluminum can recyclers, Rodney D. Young, bait stores and above-ground swimming pool sellers.
3. Hiring of a Russ Martin wannabe to do an afternoon talk show with serious sports undertones.
4. Make Jeff K the official Cowboys "ambassador," since he's done such a STELLAR job in a similar role with the Stars. (It's almost not worth going to a Stars game anymore, to avoid having to see his stupid showboating every 5 mins.)
5. Reimage the "Bone Babes" where they'll actually be promoted as prostitutes (instead of it just being implied.)
6. Have Jerry Jones consider replacing the helmet's star with a confederate flag.
7. A day-long concert series with all the hair bands of the 80s reunited...Tesla, Twisted Sister, etc. on the floor of Texas Stadium.
8. A "Wish I Was" day, where lucky winners can trade their current occupation or interest for what they really had in mind to do: a security officer gets to become a Dallas cop for a day. An amateur hunter gets to dress up like GW Bush and shoot at Saddam Hussein dummies all day. A pickup truck driver gets use of a Lincoln Blackwood truck for the day. An oil change jockey gets to sit on the board of Exxon-Mobil for a day. A pager user gets to use a cellphone for the day. A guy with a fat wife gets use of a Bone Babe for the day.
9. Cheap, patriotic tie-ins with Cowboys' games, like "Nuke the Giants" day, "Open Up A Can of Whoop-A$$ on the Cardinals" promotion, "Smoke the Eagles Out of Their Foxholes" day, and distribution of "God, Country and Cowboys" bumper stickers.
10. Massive white trash tailgate parties before each Cowboys game, where participants can skin their own deer or possum in the parking lot, and any S-U-V drivers will be shot on the spot. And no grill necessary; just build your own bonfire on the asphalt.
11. And when it comes time for the Cowboys to move to the new stadium, lucky winners will be selected to knock down Texas Stadium by ramming their 4X4's into it.
12. Dollar beer day at every Cowboys' game, no limit.
13. Hire Pantera to come up with a Dallas Cowboys theme song, that we'll all be sick of hearing after the eighth or ninth playing in the same game.
Ya know, come to think of it, wouldn't the Cowboys be better suited for The Wolf instead?