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Colon Cleansers Of Doubtful Effectiveness

Julie and Jason swear by the stuff after all if you are going to run a cluster with your head that far up your rear facing bodily orifice it is important that you don't run into 5 to 15 pounds of spackle or paste.
 
YES!! COLON BLOW!!!

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/89/89ecolonblow.phtml

Colon Blow

Man.....Phil Hartman

[ fade in on a man at a table, eating oat bran cereal from a bowl ]

Announcer: Hold it! Is that what you’re having for breakfast?

Man: Sure, haven't you heard? Fiber is really good for you.

Announcer: Well, there's fiber, and then there's high fiber. Try this.

[ offstage hands replace cereal box with Colon Blow cereal box ]

Man: Hmm.. Colon Blow. Sounds delicious. But is it really higher in fiber than my oat bran cereal?

Announcer: Take a guess: How many bowls of your oat bran cereal would it take to equal the fiber content of one bowl of Colon Blow?

Man: Two?

Announcer: Guess again.

Man: Three?

Announcer: A little higher.

Man: Four?

Announcer: Keep trying.

Man: Five?

Announcer: No, you'll have to do better than that.

Man: Seven?

Announcer: Guess again.

Man: Eight?

Announcer: We'll give you one more guess.

Man: Nine.

Announcer: Not even close. [ table starts shaking ] It would take over 30,000 bowls. [ a giant pyramid of cereal bowls shoots up from under the man, who yells in terror as it rises ] To eat that much oat bran, you'd have to eat ten bowls a day, every day for eight and a half years.

Man: [ after the pyramid settles; shouts from afar ] Wow! I think I get the picture! Colon Blow must be the highest fiber cereal on the market!

Announcer: Not any more, now that there's new Super Colon Blow.

Man: Super Colon Blow?

[ pyramid rises even higher with the man screaming ]

Announcer: It would take over two and a half million bowls of your oat bran cereal to equal the fiber content of one bowl of Super Colon Blow.

[ pyramid settles ]

Man: [ overwhelmed ]I'm convinced! [ looks down the pyramid in panic ]

[ cut to close-up of bowl with Colon Blow and Super Colon Blow boxes ]

Jingle: "Colon Blow and you-u-u-u in the morning"

Announcer: Colon Blow and new Super Colon Blow.

Voiceover: Warning: may cause abdominal distention. Consult a physician.

[ fade to black ]


Submitted by: Rob Holtman
 
Spackle and paste ... hilarious ... guys, we eat too much process food and red meat ... ladies, do you have love handles you want to remove? Sigh.
 
I can't think of anything GROSSER than waking up at 5AM and being subjected to an info-mercial about "COLON BLOW!" :p

argytunes
 
man, the poor guy is still working in the minors and already people are denegrating his performances.

if a Cy Young award winner has a rough outing in a ballgame, cut him some slack.

no need to sum up a less-than-stellar performance with a word such as Blow.

oh, wait - you were talking about Colon Blow (as in lower intestinal stuff) as opposed to the new Red Sox pitching acquisition?

in the words of the late Gilda Radner as the legendary Emily Litella - never mind.
 
Last month the Evercleanse spot ran 223 times on RKO, 190 times on TKK and 172 times on BZ. Considering that many of these spots run during drivetime I doubt they are PI's, so someone must be buying the stuff.
 
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