OK, I definitely think I'm dreaming this week, but after a spring of having the news canceled on the 24/7 cable channels because of:
- Terry Schiavo
- CNN breaking an arm patting itself on the back for 25 years and dropping news
- Runaway Bride
- Michael Jackson
- Crime Week/Special Report Documentary Repackages/CSI: Rehash
Now it's clear the news has been completely canceled because of missing white people. If it isn't the girl gone missing on Aruba which Fox is absolutely addicted to covering (Greta "owns this story," much to the annoyance of Bill O'Reilly whose now #2 on Fox, and Geraldo's grandstanding), it's the misdirected cub scout in Utah, and now the two kids in Idaho. You would have thought they kidnapped the Bush twins.
These are all compelling stories to the local/regional markets in which they occur, but it's inexcusable to have Fox and MSNBC race to the bottom of the barrel to see who can outshame themselves with endless coverage of these stories on a national/international level.
Of course, CNN isn't left behind on this, but they're also busily promoting their special military propaganda pieces for the 4th holiday, right down to Wolf Blitzer shamelessly showing himself being photographed by the troops, cheering on his adopted Wolf batallion, and spending more time making himself the story instead of reporting on it dispassionately.
Of course, what's even more shameless is your personal guide to pre-determining whether or not this story gets covered:
1) Is missing person white? If yes, go to two. If no, cancel report and instead show the clip of what Tom Cruise said today.
2) Is missing person blonde? If yes, hire composer for special theme music, insert quarter hour updates. If no, only dwell if it's a missing child.
3) Is missing person a female? If yes, reserve plane tickets to send network reporters into field. If no and this is Fox, check to see if they were from a "red state" and go to 4 if answer is yes.
4) News red alert. Cancel all news. Provide solid coverage. Bring in psychics or John Edwards to see if he can communicate with them. Talking heads and book authors who have no real knowledge of the case are great filler. Rent news copters or buy footage. Engage the Speculatomoter (tm) and provide comfort to viewers by asking questions like, "how long can they live before the wolf pack gets to them," "how many times can the child molestor have sex with the kids before they are found," "we have a exclusive BREAKING NEWS report on this story and then interview the neighbor who says they last saw the kid wearing that spring outfit from Gap, Jr." (Run Gap, Jr. ad).
If the story ends badly, order all female anchors to report to work in black and preferably veiled.
It's nice to know the "news channels" want to make the whole country victims of other people's tragedies by basically shutting down any news reporting and instead run this schlock.... I guess it's time to ask for Al-Jazeera's new English language news channel. I saw it and, OHMYGOD, they were running news. That's well above MSNBC, which is running those moldy repurposed and repackaged Dateline pieces as "documentaries." I'm sure glad there's nothing at all happening in Iraq or whatever that country is we're involved in because that leaves room for that Mary Kay LaTourneau hour long special!!!
- Terry Schiavo
- CNN breaking an arm patting itself on the back for 25 years and dropping news
- Runaway Bride
- Michael Jackson
- Crime Week/Special Report Documentary Repackages/CSI: Rehash
Now it's clear the news has been completely canceled because of missing white people. If it isn't the girl gone missing on Aruba which Fox is absolutely addicted to covering (Greta "owns this story," much to the annoyance of Bill O'Reilly whose now #2 on Fox, and Geraldo's grandstanding), it's the misdirected cub scout in Utah, and now the two kids in Idaho. You would have thought they kidnapped the Bush twins.
These are all compelling stories to the local/regional markets in which they occur, but it's inexcusable to have Fox and MSNBC race to the bottom of the barrel to see who can outshame themselves with endless coverage of these stories on a national/international level.
Of course, CNN isn't left behind on this, but they're also busily promoting their special military propaganda pieces for the 4th holiday, right down to Wolf Blitzer shamelessly showing himself being photographed by the troops, cheering on his adopted Wolf batallion, and spending more time making himself the story instead of reporting on it dispassionately.
Of course, what's even more shameless is your personal guide to pre-determining whether or not this story gets covered:
1) Is missing person white? If yes, go to two. If no, cancel report and instead show the clip of what Tom Cruise said today.
2) Is missing person blonde? If yes, hire composer for special theme music, insert quarter hour updates. If no, only dwell if it's a missing child.
3) Is missing person a female? If yes, reserve plane tickets to send network reporters into field. If no and this is Fox, check to see if they were from a "red state" and go to 4 if answer is yes.
4) News red alert. Cancel all news. Provide solid coverage. Bring in psychics or John Edwards to see if he can communicate with them. Talking heads and book authors who have no real knowledge of the case are great filler. Rent news copters or buy footage. Engage the Speculatomoter (tm) and provide comfort to viewers by asking questions like, "how long can they live before the wolf pack gets to them," "how many times can the child molestor have sex with the kids before they are found," "we have a exclusive BREAKING NEWS report on this story and then interview the neighbor who says they last saw the kid wearing that spring outfit from Gap, Jr." (Run Gap, Jr. ad).
If the story ends badly, order all female anchors to report to work in black and preferably veiled.
It's nice to know the "news channels" want to make the whole country victims of other people's tragedies by basically shutting down any news reporting and instead run this schlock.... I guess it's time to ask for Al-Jazeera's new English language news channel. I saw it and, OHMYGOD, they were running news. That's well above MSNBC, which is running those moldy repurposed and repackaged Dateline pieces as "documentaries." I'm sure glad there's nothing at all happening in Iraq or whatever that country is we're involved in because that leaves room for that Mary Kay LaTourneau hour long special!!!