Mr. Haney now selling HD radios

[KB1OKL]

http://haneyreport.typepad.com/hbh/2008/05/great-news-grea.html?cid=116228170#comment-116228170


Green Acres - Mr Haney Alternately referred to as Eustace or Charlton, and supposedly married (although Mrs. Haney never makes an appearance in all 170 episodes of the series), Mr. Haney is the sweaty, conniving, opportunistic embodiment of capitalism in bucolic Hooterville. Cracked of voice and ethics, Haney never misses an opportunity to make a buck or exploit a relationship. A true huckster, he always has a trick up his sleeve or some snake oil to sell you. Some of his more notorious wares include: The Haney Egg-Layin' Inducing Machine; a college "diplomer" which bestows upon the holder a Ph.D from Stankwell Falls University; and a "gen-u-wine Cooper Cow-Coaxer" milking machine, which is "guaranteed to persuade milk out of the most bashful cow."
Mr. Haney is now into the "HD busi-ness" which he been trying to sell as "orn-e-ments" for your tractor which he says work just wonder-fully as long as you don't stray too far down the far side of your field and you buy his small 50' high attachment he calls a Super-Duper-Yogi-Antenny which he provides at a nominal fee of course. With these you can maybe receive Hooterville's lone HD station, WCON, nicknamed CON-JOB for Forrest Con who owns the station and gets a cut from every orn-e-ment Mr. Haney sells and says that this is the only way he can pay those gol-darn HD fees which he believes he was tricked into paying. (commercials on WCON: Upgrade now: Get conned with CONJOB HD) WCON's transmitting towers are in the middle of the 10 square mile town and Con claims 10% coverage of Hooterville since he installed his shiny new HD transmitter, he says he didn't need people in other states to listen to WCON anyway as they "didn't buy nuttin from Hooterville and just "sucked up my signal"

 

[wkbam1690]

http://haneyreport.typepad.com/hbh/2008/05/great-news-grea.html?cid=116228170#comment-116228170


Green Acres - Mr Haney Alternately referred to as Eustace or Charlton, and supposedly married (although Mrs. Haney never makes an appearance in all 170 episodes of the series), Mr. Haney is the sweaty, conniving, opportunistic embodiment of capitalism in bucolic Hooterville. Cracked of voice and ethics, Haney never misses an opportunity to make a buck or exploit a relationship. A true huckster, he always has a trick up his sleeve or some snake oil to sell you. Some of his more notorious wares include: The Haney Egg-Layin' Inducing Machine; a college "diplomer" which bestows upon the holder a Ph.D from Stankwell Falls University; and a "gen-u-wine Cooper Cow-Coaxer" milking machine, which is "guaranteed to persuade milk out of the most bashful cow."
Mr. Haney is now into the "HD busi-ness" which he been trying to sell as "orn-e-ments" for your tractor which he says work just wonder-fully as long as you don't stray too far down the far side of your field and you buy his small 50' high attachment he calls a Super-Duper-Yogi-Antenny which he provides at a nominal fee of course. With these you can maybe receive Hooterville's lone HD station, WCON, nicknamed CON-JOB for Forrest Con who owns the station and gets a cut from every orn-e-ment Mr. Haney sells and says that this is the only way he can pay those gol-darn HD fees which he believes he was tricked into paying. (commercials on WCON: Upgrade now: Get conned with CONJOB HD) WCON's transmitting towers are in the middle of the 10 square mile town and Con claims 10% coverage of Hooterville since he installed his shiny new HD transmitter, he says he didn't need people in other states to listen to WCON anyway as they "didn't buy nuttin from Hooterville and just "sucked up my signal"

I won't be able to watch another eposode of Green Acres without looking for the H-D radios on Mr. Haney's truck. I'm sure he can talk Lisa into making Oliver buy one...

 

[KB1OKL]

News flash! This just in from Hooterville:
Mr Haney realizes he was not offering anything for the AM listener segment of WCON (WCON is both AM and FM) he now offers a 100' Signal-Sucker-Antenna for the locals who also want to get Conned on AM. For the ultra fringe area (anything outside of the 10 square mile radius of Hooterville) he also offers the 500' Super-Duper-Signal-Sucker-Antenna. Some say it's just bailing wire he bought down at the local feed store but Mr. Haney says that's hogwash and besides it would cut into his profit margin too much.
On another note he has stated that Lisa seemed too techny-cally sophistycated to fall for, err... persuade Oliver to buy one, she did however state that the radio would look like a pretty ornament for the barn but would rather go shopping at Bloomingdales in NY.

 

[Tom Wells]

And the radio is a "three" which can only be used at the same time as the... coffeemaker which is a four.
You can't have more than 7.

 

[Dighton Rockhead]

If I remember correctly......up until now, Hooterville's only reliable radio and television service had been that of WPIXL, in the neighboring community of Pixley.

One would hope that WPIXL radio is far enough removed on the dial to be unaffected by any IBOC hash from WCON.

I wonder if Hooterville residents are now considered 'wacky dx-ers' if they still want to try pulling in that good-ole analog signal of WPIXL radio on thier trusty old vacumn tube radios?

After all......where else on the dial can you still hear episodes of "The Great Gildersleeve", and Oxydol's "Ma Perkins"? ;D

 

[KB1OKL]

And the radio is a "three" which can only be used at the same time as the... coffeemaker which is a four.
You can't have more than 7.

I don't know if the radio is a 3 after all, it has that power hungry chipset in it, I've heard those are 8's. This could blow Mr Haney's whole deal but then again Mr Haney wouldn't let a little thing like that from trying to fleec, er.. trying to sell HD radios. But then again Mr Haney being the enterprising chap that he is could maybe sell magic penny's to put behind your fuse so you could use the #8's.

 

[KB1OKL]

If I remember correctly......up until now, Hooterville's only reliable radio and television service had been that of WPIXL, in the neighboring community of Pixley.

One would hope that WPIXL radio is far enough removed on the dial to be unaffected by any IBOC hash from WCON.

I wonder if Hooterville residents are now considered 'wacky dx-ers' if they still want to try pulling in that good-ole analog signal of WPIXL radio on thier trusty old vacumn tube radios?

After all......where else on the dial can you still hear episodes of "The Great Gildersleeve", and Oxydol's "Ma Perkins"? ;D

Actually when Mr Con applied for his license to upgrade to a 50 KW IBOC transmitter from the 5 watt TIS he had been running he happened to pick a frequency right next to WPIXL's 500 watt station. I have heard that WPIXL have filed suit with the FCC saying that they can't receive their own station even with a radio hardwired to their own transmitting antenna but have been rebuffed with Kevin Martin saying, " We're going to force IBOC to become successful whether anyone likes it or not, after all your digital future is inevitable, so go fly a kite, you think we care about a peashooter like you? What? You have 64 years precedence? Go away boy, you bother me. You say I'm a boy? Well maybe... but I can do anything I want, so nya nya nya nya nya!

 

[hipporadio]

IMPORTANT WCON UPDATE: Just in from All-Access... Fearing the obvious – or an audience that might be smarter than first-thought – WCON has announced a change from its prior “CON-JOB” positioning statement... Boss Hogg was borrowed from CBS network sibling, “The Dukes of Hazard”, to voice a new series of WCON on-air liners – featuring background instrumentals from the 80s new wave group: Art Of NOISE.

Hence, Haney’s Hooterville property will be known as “WCON—The Hog”. New billboards are up in the very-center of the ten-square-mile community, and feature the station’s new mascot – Arnold – Mr. Ziffel’s affable porker wearing a neon orange halter emblazoned with the HD Radio logo. Reportedly, Haney will offer under-fifty-dollar HD radios for sale to more-gullible listeners – the result of his legendary power of negotiation, and a total buy-out of unsold and returned-as-defective HD Receptor radios from Boston Acoustics. Bobby Stumble even came to town to help kick-off AM radio’s first HD conversion in over a year. He appeared at Drucker’s General Store to munch sour pickles, serve up Sam’s special-recipe “Hooterville Hash”, and help Haney hock is newfound supply of HD radios.

A special PA system consisting of an early-70s Realistic MPA-series 50-watt PA amp and EV metal horn speakers were carefully chosen to mask the telltale digital artifacts in the new HD transmission. The power switch was finally manipulated to the "on" position by the clumsy farmhand—Abner, and WCON’s new top-of-the-hour ID bellowed out for all to hear: “Catch the exci-ta-ment of a new kinda’ ray-dee-O in new fandango dig-e-tol... This is 1660/1670/1680/1690/and 1700 – Hooterville... WCON—the Hog!”

My favorite liner was: “It’s just like ray-dee-O with Bobby-Jo’s hooters... WCON—the Hog”

 

[hipporadio]

Stand-by for news...

 

[RememberWHEN]

I believe the correct T-O-H would then be, "WCON - HooterSville."

Also, a tip of the hat to all the engine-erring as performed by the dynamic duo of Ralph & Malph!

 

[Tom Wells]

Did Mr. Haney donate one of them ray-dee-ohs over to Kate by the Shady Rest?
Does it get over there? Good thing the elevator don't work, the clackin' relay's'd knock the HD decode out fer sure.
Joe and Grampa can put a speaker out on the porch!

And where's Hank Kimball on all this?

 

[hipporadio]

Kate at the Shady Rest did indeed get a complimentary BA HD Receptor so daughter, Bobby-Jo, could hear her “Radio With Hooters ID”, but it was forced into 4 kHz analog mode because the hotel was at the city limits - SIX-MILES from the WCON TX. Remember that train that chugged down the tracks... It was beyond the HD coverage from 1660/1670/1680/1690/1700 AM?

Bobby Stumble stayed at the Shady Rest for a couple nights and had to pay Mr. Haney for the 100-foot “Signal-Sucker Antenna” to attach to his Sangean HDR-1 radio to hear WCON in HD. Problem occurred when the sun went down and WVON on 1690 from Chicago [in HD] came skipping in and disrupted the 1680 WCOM/Hooterville signal less than a short hike from its 90-degree stick...LOL!

Mr. Kimball still chooses to use his trusty 1970 Radio Shack TRF AM portable to listen to WPIXL in neighboring Pixley... He likes Peter and Gordon and “Ma Perkins”

 

[Dighton Rockhead]

If I remember correctly......up until now, Hooterville's only reliable radio and television service had been that of WPIXL, in the neighboring community of Pixley.

One would hope that WPIXL radio is far enough removed on the dial to be unaffected by any IBOC hash from WCON.

I wonder if Hooterville residents are now considered 'wacky dx-ers' if they still want to try pulling in that good-ole analog signal of WPIXL radio on thier trusty old vacumn tube radios?

After all......where else on the dial can you still hear episodes of "The Great Gildersleeve", and Oxydol's "Ma Perkins"? ;D

Actually when Mr Con applied for his license to upgrade to a 50 KW IBOC transmitter from the 5 watt TIS he had been running he happened to pick a frequency right next to WPIXL's 500 watt station. I have heard that WPIXL have filed suit with the FCC saying that they can't receive their own station even with a radio hardwired to their own transmitting antenna but have been rebuffed with Kevin Martin saying, " We're going to force IBOC to become successful whether anyone likes it or not, after all your digital future is inevitable, so go fly a kite, you think we care about a peashooter like you? What? You have 64 years precedence? Go away boy, you bother me. You say I'm a boy? Well maybe... but I can do anything I want, so nya nya nya nya nya!

Ownership at WPIXL is refusing to just take this lying down. They have retained the services of area attorney Oliver Wendell Douglass (sound familiar)?? Mr. Douglass...finally sensing his opportunity for revenge on Haney for over 40 years of scams and schemes aimed at parting Hooterville residents from thier hard earned money.......is eager to take on the case......

Of course, as usually happens in this hopelessly beknighted area......Lisa Douglass, farmhand Eb, Apple orchard farmer Newt Kiley, the Ziffels, Hank Kimball, The Monroe Brothers, and other zany denizens of Hooterville have instantly fallen in love with the idea of their own little 'hometown' radio station, and are now shunning Mr. Douglass, and making his life a living HELL.

In other words......the more things change in Hooterville, the more they stay the same.

 

[hipporadio]

‘Seems that Oliver and our beloved FCC Chairman, Master Martin were Frat Bothers in the Ivy League. Olie flew to DC – met-up with Kev at a Capital Hill bar – exchanged the 37-second-long secret handshake [in the restroom] – shared some “quality time” over numerous single-malt Scotch libations – then came to one of those notorious “private off-the-record” agreements to move WPIXL from 1600kHz to 540kHz... 500-watts at the low-end of the dial turned-out to be a BIG advantage for “The Rock of Pixley”... The Canadians even agreed, and allowed them 72-watts at night.

A recent visit to the Shady Rest – down the tracks at the Hooterville city limits – with a Potomac AM field strength meter reveled an RF signal level advantage for WPIXL over the nimble high-band “HD powerhouse” WCON. Hooterville residents are rejoicing over the improved WPIXL signal in near-10kHz NRSC analog... They soon-noticed that the Beatles, Stones, and even “Ma Perkins” on Sunday night sounded so-much better on their Panasonic clock radios than did the “new fandango’d dig-e-tol” WCON.

Mr. Haney has a problem—that huge inventory of un-sold and returned-as-defective HD Receptor radios he snared for dime-on-the-dollar from Boston Acoustics... “DAMN – I’m startin’ to feel like Breast Buy... Hello Bobby Stumble... Can I get one of those spec-e-al H ‘n D radio dis-plays ‘ya guys are talkin’ ‘bout... I needed one yes-TER-day!”

 

[KB1OKL]

It has now come to my attention that the honorable Mr. Haney is looking to sell some of them there Achy D ray-dee-ohs that them little green men want in their Flyin' Saucys. He's got the official franchise for the Flying Purple People Eater Supercepter I in Hooterville now and says he said he just can't keep 'em in stock and had to build a Flyin' Saucy landing pad out by the Shady Rest although Kate don't seem to like it all that much and Fred Ziffle said that the darn things are makin' old Arnold so nervous that he's losing weight.
Mr. Haney is said to be a little worried but as he remembers what happened the first time he tried to sell them, so many were returned as defective he went plumb outta business, but he's out of bankruptcy now and says that they live so darn far away anyway rather than a-tryin' to git thier money back they'll probably just throw 'em out the window an' let 'em float around way uppy there in that danged outer space.