Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight's main event. In the blue corner wearing the white Nextel t-shirt obtained from the station swag closet is Radio Rat. He weighs in at 278 lbs and stands 5'7". And in the red corner, standing 5'9" tall and weighing in at 137 lbs, it's J-Street. J-Street is wearing the Leann Rimes t-shirt he got free from the Funfest give away basket. Both of these juggernauts are looking for their first win in the ring, and we'll start round one right after the singing of our national anthem, "Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood.
"From the shores of Minnesota, to the hills of Tennessee" (crowd pees itself with excitement for having heard the name of their state canonized in song)
"From the coast of Carolina, From New York (scattered boos) to L.A.
I'm proud to be an American soul and I'll stand here now and say..."
"I'm glad I wrote this freakin' song, cause without it I'd be through,
And I hope that I've been able to sell at least three copies to you!"
Alright sports fans, with our National Anthem out of the way, it's time for the tale of the tape, brought to you by Spotless Carpet Cleaners, s-p-o-t-l-e-s-s, Spotless is the very best.....Carpet Cleaners. Our challenger, Radio Rat is 37 years old and hails from the great burg of Cash Hollow. His record is 0-5-2. His reach is 5,000 watts and he favors his right wing.
Our champion, J-street, is 17 and works for his high-school A-V club. His record is an impressive 0-9-4 and he leads with his right but tends to lean left.
It's time now for the first round bell...<ding>, and we're under way.
Radio Rat comes out swinging early with a roundhouse "you think you know everything" and it connects. J-street answers back with a devastating "I study the market/You spelled my name wrong" one-two combination. And now both fighters have retired to their corners for a smoke and to forage for free food from the station fridge. And the referee is counting both of these great fighters out. 7....8....9....10! And it's over, another draw for both of these brave contenders. We've witnessed an amazing display of carnage here today with both of these valiant warriors giving all they had. Join us next week when Maddog 1964 takes on all comers in a "Back in the good old days when we played vinyl" steel cage match. BE there!!