Questions for smart radio people.....

[itburnswhenipee]

During this holiday season, let us pause and give thanks that Will Smith stopped making rap records and is now focusing on his movie career.

Let us also stop and reflect on some of more vexing and disturbing questions facing the radio industry, as we enter 2007:

1) Why does a radio station spend 60 seconds talking about how "we talk less, and play more music"?

2) Why does the production director scream at the top of his lungs during radio ads for used cars? (are there independent studies suggesting that consumers have a greater proclivity towards automobile purchases when being screamed at?)

3) Why do radio stations pay consultants $500,000 just to make ratings go down?

4) Why does the radio industry use the term "Urban" to refer to black radio stations? (Is Lenny Kravitz "half Urban?")

5) Why do radio talk show hosts talk about politics?

6) Why does a radio station pay the music director a full-time salary, just to copy verbatim the songs from the back pages of Radio & Records?

7) Why does Clear Channel retain Randall Bloomquist to program a station which has no programming?

8. Why do Radio-Info posters criticize the programming on Clear Channel stations--and then become upset when Clear Channel changes the programs?

9) Why does WSB AM think that I care when "a Clayton County man is under arrest for stabbing his girlfriend" ?

10) How does anybody understand WSB AM's Captain Herb?

11) Why does Dickey Broadcasting pay Chris Rude six figures to get a .7 share?

12) Why does 95.5 The Beat only hire Caucasian deejays to introduce Hip Hop songs?

13) How come all the hosts look alike on the 790 The Zone Morning Show?

14) How come some people have desk photos of their wife and kids FACING AWAY FROM THEM, facing towards their office visitor? (okay, that has nothing to do with radio, but I would still like a good answer).

Happy Holidays!!!
;D

 

[uglyredhonda]

1) Why does a radio station spend 60 seconds talking about how "we talk less, and play more music"?
If they didn't do that, they would never need anyone to talk on air.

2) Why does the production director scream at the top of his lungs during radio ads for used cars? (are there independent studies suggesting that consumers have a greater proclivity towards automobile purchases when being screamed at?)
One word: "AUTOOOOOOMANIA!!"

3) Why do radio stations pay consultants $500,000 just to make ratings go down?
$500,000 is cheap for an easy scapegoat.

4) Why does the radio industry use the term "Urban" to refer to black radio stations? (Is Lenny Kravitz "half Urban?")
"Urban" is race-nonspecific. "Black" implies that only black people would/should listen to the station. (There are plenty of white folks who think of themselves as "urban".)

5) Why do radio talk show hosts talk about politics?
People will listen to a host they agree with politically if for no other reason. This is doubly true for right-wing conservatives, who often have difficulty finding people in their daily lives who share their views.

6) Why does a radio station pay the music director a full-time salary, just to copy verbatim the songs from the back pages of Radio & Records?
Because, otherwise, there wouldn't be anyone in the building to receive label payou... I mean, "promotions".

7) Why does Clear Channel retain Randall Bloomquist to program a station which has no programming?
It's cheaper to keep him around, but this stops him from screwing anything else up.

8. Why do Radio-Info posters criticize the programming on Clear Channel stations--and then become upset when Clear Channel changes the programs?
Radio-Info posters need something to complain about. If they say the right thing and it happens, then it might prove they have the skills for a real job in the industry. (Perhaps someone would then be willing to pay them $500,000 as a "consultant".)

9) Why does WSB AM think that I care when "a Clayton County man is under arrest for stabbing his girlfriend" ?
If you're freaked out that something happened in your general vicinity, you might be freaked out enough to tune in tomorrow just to see if anything happened in your general vicinity.

10) How does anybody understand WSB AM's Captain Herb?
He's not a real captain, so understanding him doesn't really matter.

11) Why does Dickey Broadcasting pay Chris Rude six figures to get a .7 share?
They pay him to get a 4 share, it just doesn't happen.

12) Why does 95.5 The Beat only hire Caucasian deejays to introduce Hip Hop songs?
If certain listeners didn't need white people to introduce hip-hop songs to them, they'd be listening to V103.

13) How come all the hosts look alike on the 790 The Zone Morning Show?
Let's call it "the sports guy demographic".

14) How come some people have desk photos of their wife and kids FACING AWAY FROM THEM, facing towards their office visitor? (okay, that has nothing to do with radio, but I would still like a good answer).
It impresses your visitors that you have a family and care enough about them to have their pictures on your desk, but allows you to pretend they don't exist so you can focus on your one true love: your job.

/wouldn't mind the $500,000 consultant fee

 

[itburnswhenipee]

Sleepless in Atlanta....

Thanks for your thoughtful answers, Ugly Red Honda.

I can honestly say that all 14 questions have troubled me at one time or another, but it is Question #14 that has caused me the greatest number of sleepless nights.

Most of us keep desk photos of our families facing TOWARDS ourselves, to provide motivation. We can look up at our wife and kids and say "This is why I do this S****" However, I have YET to hear a plausible or logical explanation for why you would have your family photos facing AWAY so that you can't even see your own family.

A few years ago, I had a job interview with the program director of a radio station in Philadelphia. This PD had about 15 to 20 photos of her kids FACING TOWARDS ME, as I endured the interview. It was very intimidating, as I felt like I was being interviewed by her entire family.

1) Why does a radio station spend 60 seconds talking about how "we talk less, and play more music"?
If they didn't do that, they would never need anyone to talk on air.

2) Why does the production director scream at the top of his lungs during radio ads for used cars? (are there independent studies suggesting that consumers have a greater proclivity towards automobile purchases when being screamed at?)
One word: "AUTOOOOOOMANIA!!"

3) Why do radio stations pay consultants $500,000 just to make ratings go down?
$500,000 is cheap for an easy scapegoat.

4) Why does the radio industry use the term "Urban" to refer to black radio stations? (Is Lenny Kravitz "half Urban?")
"Urban" is race-nonspecific. "Black" implies that only black people would/should listen to the station. (There are plenty of white folks who think of themselves as "urban".)

5) Why do radio talk show hosts talk about politics?
People will listen to a host they agree with politically if for no other reason. This is doubly true for right-wing conservatives, who often have difficulty finding people in their daily lives who share their views.

6) Why does a radio station pay the music director a full-time salary, just to copy verbatim the songs from the back pages of Radio & Records?
Because, otherwise, there wouldn't be anyone in the building to receive label payou... I mean, "promotions".

7) Why does Clear Channel retain Randall Bloomquist to program a station which has no programming?
It's cheaper to keep him around, but this stops him from screwing anything else up.

8. Why do Radio-Info posters criticize the programming on Clear Channel stations--and then become upset when Clear Channel changes the programs?
Radio-Info posters need something to complain about. If they say the right thing and it happens, then it might prove they have the skills for a real job in the industry. (Perhaps someone would then be willing to pay them $500,000 as a "consultant".)

9) Why does WSB AM think that I care when "a Clayton County man is under arrest for stabbing his girlfriend" ?
If you're freaked out that something happened in your general vicinity, you might be freaked out enough to tune in tomorrow just to see if anything happened in your general vicinity.

10) How does anybody understand WSB AM's Captain Herb?
He's not a real captain, so understanding him doesn't really matter.

11) Why does Dickey Broadcasting pay Chris Rude six figures to get a .7 share?
They pay him to get a 4 share, it just doesn't happen.

12) Why does 95.5 The Beat only hire Caucasian deejays to introduce Hip Hop songs?
If certain listeners didn't need white people to introduce hip-hop songs to them, they'd be listening to V103.

13) How come all the hosts look alike on the 790 The Zone Morning Show?
Let's call it "the sports guy demographic".

14) How come some people have desk photos of their wife and kids FACING AWAY FROM THEM, facing towards their office visitor? (okay, that has nothing to do with radio, but I would still like a good answer).
It impresses your visitors that you have a family and care enough about them to have their pictures on your desk, but allows you to pretend they don't exist so you can focus on your one true love: your job.

/wouldn't mind the $500,000 consultant fee

 

[Bubba2112]

I don't care who you are, all three posts on this thead above mine are funny. First dude axed a few funny questions. Second dude had a few (key word here is few) funny answers and first dude waned whimsical in his response.

But I have to agree with Dude 1 about question 14. But then I don't need a picture of my family as they are so deeply imbedded in my heart.............

 

[livingfruitvirus]

1) Why does a radio station spend 60 seconds talking about how "we talk less, and play more music"?
A: After timecrunching or editing songs to fit in more commercials, there's some spare time left over in the hour.

2) Why does the production director scream at the top of his lungs during radio ads for used cars? (are there independent studies suggesting that consumers have a greater proclivity towards automobile purchases when being screamed at?)
A: You can't SEE a wacky inflatable waving King Kong on the radio.

3) Why do radio stations pay consultants $500,000 just to make ratings go down?
A: Then it'll be the consultant's fault the station sucks.

4) Why does the radio industry use the term "Urban" to refer to black radio stations? (Is Lenny Kravitz "half Urban?")
A: White management.

5) Why do radio talk show hosts talk about politics?
A: It's an easy, engaging, tried and tested subject for the common radio audience, who will then call up and say he/she agrees with everything the host says, then asks the host a question, followed by "I'll hang up and listen."

6) Why does a radio station pay the music director a full-time salary, just to copy verbatim the songs from the back pages of Radio & Records?
A: Well the FCC does say a station should have X amount of employees minimum.

7) Why does Clear Channel retain Randall Bloomquist to program a station which has no programming?
A: They need someone to turn down every jock who comes in for an interview.

8. Why do Radio-Info posters criticize the programming on Clear Channel stations--and then become upset when Clear Channel changes the programs?
A: What does this look like? Something other than the internet?

9) Why does WSB AM think that I care when "a Clayton County man is under arrest for stabbing his girlfriend" ?
A: LIVE AND LOCAL!!!!

10) How does anybody understand WSB AM's Captain Herb?
A: Play him backwards and you'll hear clues to find the hidden treasure of Major John Cohen.

11) Why does Dickey Broadcasting pay Chris Rude six figures to get a .7 share?
A: It's a spiritual thing. They figure "If I pay THIS amount, the Headline News days will return. No more hellhole for us."

12) Why does 95.5 The Beat only hire Caucasian deejays to introduce Hip Hop songs?
A: The black jocks take care of Kiss.

13) How come all the hosts look alike on the 790 The Zone Morning Show?
A: All radio hosts look the same. They're either overweight and middle aged, or look like they belong on Dateline talking to Chris Hansen in that house.

14) How come some people have desk photos of their wife and kids FACING AWAY FROM THEM, facing towards their office visitor? (okay, that has nothing to do with radio, but I would still like a good answer).
A: They're not good at taping their faces on other peoples' photos.

 

[itburnswhenipee]

1) Why does a radio station spend 60 seconds talking about how "we talk less, and play more music"?
A: After timecrunching or editing songs to fit in more commercials, there's some spare time left over in the hour.

If they truly "play more music," they should use the left over time to play another song.


5) Why do radio talk show hosts talk about politics?
A: It's an easy, engaging, tried and tested subject for the common radio audience, who will then call up and say he/she agrees with everything the host says, then asks the host a question, followed by "I'll hang up and listen."

This is the best answer I've heard yet on this question.


9) Why does WSB AM think that I care when "a Clayton County man is under arrest for stabbing his girlfriend" ?
A: LIVE AND LOCAL!!!!

Why isn't the news live, local and RELEVANT?


13) How come all the hosts look alike on the 790 The Zone Morning Show?
A: All radio hosts look the same. They're either overweight and middle aged, or look like they belong on Dateline talking to Chris Hansen in that house.

I always get the hosts mixed up because they are all bald with pot bellies.


14) How come some people have desk photos of their wife and kids FACING AWAY FROM THEM, facing towards their office visitor? (okay, that has nothing to do with radio, but I would still like a good answer).
A: They're not good at taping their faces on other peoples' photos.

The only plausible explanation I've ever heard on this is the "I'm not gay" theory. If somebody wants to refute rumors about his sexual orientation, he will overcompensate by putting multiple family photos on the desk, facing towards the public at large.

Thanks for your thoughtful respones!

 

[RadioGaGa75]

Brilliant itburns!!!

 

[livingfruitvirus]

This is the best answer I've heard yet on this question.

I could go on and on about "professional" talk show callers. For instance, if you call up and say "Thanks for taking my call," "Great show as always," "First time caller, long time listener," or "I'll hang up and listen," you are ASKING to be hung up on.

 

[itburnswhenipee]

This is the best answer I've heard yet on this question.

I could go on and on about "professional" talk show callers. For instance, if you call up and say "Thanks for taking my call," "Great show as always," "First time caller, long time listener," or "I'll hang up and listen," you are ASKING to be hung up on.

"Hi Rush. Megadittoes. I just wanted to say I agree with everything you always say. I support President Bush on everything he does, and I support our troops.... I'll just hang up now, and listen to your answer...."

 

[TheRealOtherNeil]

1) Why does a radio station spend 60 seconds talking about how "we talk less, and play more music"?
If they didn’t tell you, you wouldn’t know. It’s advertising 101.

2) Why does the production director scream at the top of his lungs during radio ads for used cars? (are there independent studies suggesting that consumers have a greater proclivity towards automobile purchases when being screamed at?)
Yelling creates excitement.

3) Why do radio stations pay consultants $500,000 just to make ratings go down?
They tried to get $1M but the stations said no.

4) Why does the radio industry use the term "Urban" to refer to black radio stations? (Is Lenny Kravitz "half Urban?")
I thought he was ½ Jewish. Why is the NAACP still around, they haven’t been colored in decades.

5) Why do radio talk show hosts talk about politics?
They like to hear themselves talk.

6) Why does a radio station pay the music director a full-time salary, just to copy verbatim the songs from the back pages of Radio & Records?
Music directors are slaves to the record industry. The record promoters tell them what to play and pay them for it.

7) Why does Clear Channel retain Randall Bloomquist to program a station which has no programming?
Clear Channel can’t pay him to play golf 24/7.

8. Why do Radio-Info posters criticize the programming on Clear Channel stations--and then become upset when Clear Channel changes the programs?
Because we can always do a job better than anybody in radio, no one will give us a chance.

9) Why does WSB AM think that I care when "a Clayton County man is under arrest for stabbing his girlfriend" ?
The same reason they think you care when an Hispanic family in Gwinnett County is burned out of their apartment which houses 15.

10) How does anybody understand WSB AM's Captain Herb?
He’s hysterical.

11) Why does Dickey Broadcasting pay Chris Rude six figures to get a .7 share?
Some one has to feed Jamie Dukes.

12) Why does 95.5 The Beat only hire Caucasian deejays to introduce Hip Hop songs?
Coz, we’re street yo. Or, the Cox sisters are afraid of young Negroes.

13) How come all the hosts look alike on the 790 The Zone Morning Show?
Haven’t you ever been to a fraternity house?

14) How come some people have desk photos of their wife and kids FACING AWAY FROM THEM, facing towards their office visitor? (okay, that has nothing to do with radio, but I would still like a good answer).
It came with the frame.

 

[itburnswhenipee]

1) Why does a radio station spend 60 seconds talking about how "we talk less, and play more music"?
If they didn’t tell you, you wouldn’t know. It’s advertising 101.

Well, I can tell you a true story: A few days weeks ago, I was very eager to sample the music on the new Project 96.1 Driving home from work, I tuned in to 96.1, only to hear a very inane 60 second (!) promo that was attempting-- unsuccessfully---to sound "cool" and funny. I waited patiently to hear a song but then gave up and switched the dial. A few days later, I tried to tune in again, and had to sit through the same, inane, unfunny, 60 second promo. Eventually, I gave up on hearing any music, and then changed the dial again.

The promos have succeeded in making me NOT listen to Project 96.1

 

[Bubba2112]

This is the best answer I've heard yet on this question.

I could go on and on about "professional" talk show callers. For instance, if you call up and say "Thanks for taking my call," "Great show as always," "First time caller, long time listener," or "I'll hang up and listen," you are ASKING to be hung up on.

Ehhhhhhhh......... while boh times I've ever called a talk show and waited on hold the 46 hours to "talk' to the host I didn't say "thanks for tsking my call" I can understand it. It is called politeness, manners, or maybe even good upbringing. I guess you wouldn't know about that though so I forgive you, it's not YOUR fault whom you were born to .............

 

[itburnswhenipee]

Pop quiz

This is the best answer I've heard yet on this question.

I could go on and on about "professional" talk show callers. For instance, if you call up and say "Thanks for taking my call," "Great show as always," "First time caller, long time listener," or "I'll hang up and listen," you are ASKING to be hung up on.

Ehhhhhhhh......... while boh times I've ever called a talk show and waited on hold the 46 hours to "talk' to the host I didn't say "thanks for tsking my call" I can understand it. It is called politeness, manners, or maybe even good upbringing. I guess you wouldn't know about that though so I forgive you, it's not YOUR fault whom you were born to .............

Callers to Howard's talk show always said "Mega-Dildoes, Howard." Callers to Opie & Anthony always said "you're a F**G***T" or just "F***G***T" for short.

Pop quiz: what legendary talk show host frequently ended each call by saying, "GET OFF MY PHONE YOU #$@@##$$#@"?

 

[andyfrom88]

Re: Pop quiz

Pop quiz: what legendary talk show host frequently ended each call by saying, "GET OFF MY PHONE YOU #$@@##$$#@"?

Bob Grant?

 

[itburnswhenipee]

Re: Pop quiz

Pop quiz: what legendary talk show host frequently ended each call by saying, "GET OFF MY PHONE YOU #$@@##$$#@"?

Bob Grant?

Andy, you win, Dawg! You just got the hookup for a pair of tickets to the Young Jeezy concert next week, it's going down.

What's your station?

 

[itburnswhenipee]

One last one.........

One last one....

What did the radio stations do with all the carts, cart machines, and reel to reel machines?

???

 

[littlejohn]

Third world stations got the carts and cart players. Reel - to - reel machines, a lot of them, went to recording studios. A lot of artists like the 'tape' sound. I saw a Studer 800 series 8 - track go for $2000. Thing probably cost cloes to 20 new.
And, what ever came of all the quad video machines? They cost a fortuna, and they're pretty much worthless. There's got to be a huge warehouse somplace which is full of them.

 

[leethalweapon]

Re: One last one.........

One last one....

What did the radio stations do with all the carts, cart machines, and reel to reel machines?

???

Last week, we hired a huge dumpster, and halled it all away. Shame really, because there was money to be made on ebay with the stuff we through out.

 

[itburnswhenipee]

Re: One last one.........

One last one....

What did the radio stations do with all the carts, cart machines, and reel to reel machines?

???

Last week, we hired a huge dumpster, and halled it all away. Shame really, because there was money to be made on ebay with the stuff we through out.

I have a friend in another market who works at a station that STILL uses cart machines, and gray, plastic carts from the early 1980s.

Does any station in Atlanta still use carts?
???

 

[al_atl]

The last major station I know of in Atlanta that used carts was CBS-owned WVEE. I think all the others were on computers long before WVEE. It wasn't that long ago...I'm thinking under 5 years...that you could still hear tertiary tones on the air when you were getting near the end of a spot playing on V-103. There could still be some small AMs around town using carts, I don't know. I'm thinking that KNX-1070 in Los Angeles and WBBM-780 in Chicago also were still running carts until fairly recently. These stations are also CBS-owned. Maybe it was a CBS corporate thing... I have a couple of cart machines in a radio studio I built for fun in my basement, they work fine. Cool thing about carts...they don't lock up and need to be booted. On the other hand; in the cart days I remember several times playing a song from cart...hitting the start button for the perfect segue only to find that some bonehead had apparently played the cart half way through, stopped it, and put it back in the rack! !#*+@~|>* Stereo phasing could also be difficult to maintain. The ITC 99Bs and Deltas, paired with the padless carts (I believe made by Scotchcart) were the best I ever worked with. I always heard the PR&E Tomcat machines were very good.