Time to face reality :)

[waunderlust]

RADIO KNOWLEDGE:
True Things You May Not Know About Radio People....

1. 50% of our wardrobes really do consist of free t-shirts. (our
shirts in no way indicate an allegiance to a certain radio station
either...it just means they were giving away free shiat.)

2. Evening DJs get propositioned more than any other air-shift,
usually from under-age females (or a former slave in a slave-master
relationship named Elmer who seems to be fond of the coffee at
Denny's...and evening DJs.)

3. Rule of the Phones: if she sounds sexy, more times than not, she
isn't (or even better, 'she' has an Adam's apple the size of your
head. Seriously, what well-adjusted human is going to be calling a
radio station at 2:38 am?).

4. You can get on almost any Radio station to promote something if you
bring the morning show food (the great part is, the food can be
totally unrelated to whatever you're selling. As long as we're fed,
we'll even let you push the buttons if you want to.)

5. You're not crazy: Radio people really ARE weird. Seriously. Some of
them are close to psychotic. (would you listen to us if we weren't? We
rest my case.)

6. Yes, we really DO get fired as much as you've heard. (and getting
fired in radio means you get off the air, go to the boss' office, get
fired, get escorted to the door, and then sit on the curb and cry
while they change the locks behind you).

7. You don't want to see us in person. Really. (a face for radio isn't
just a myth, kids).

8. We're pathetic whiners. Really. (We get up wearing the clothes we
had on the night before, stumble into work hungover, make fart jokes
and pop culture references for four hours, eat free food, then go
home. Yeah, we've got it pretty rough)

9. We have a high divorce rate. ("Hi honey how was your day?" "Oh,
fine...that 300 pound Asian transvestite called me again and sent
another naked pic....then I let three strippers hunt me with paintball
guns....and then I dressed in a chickensuit and had a boxing match
with that guy from the country station. How was yours?")

10. We all have HUGE egos. That's why we always interrupI DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT I'VE NEVER INTERRUPTED ANYONE IN MY LIFE.

11. The pay is 95% less than what you think I make. (there's an
algebraic curve that accurately describes the pay scale at a radio
station....I believe it's called the 'suck' curve)

12. We are all just one more biatchy/psycho caller away from snapping.
(they're just farking monster truck tickets you psychotic biatch!
Chill the fark out or your boyfriend's gonna start hitting you again.)

13. No one will ever understand why holidays appear/become meaningless
UNLESS you work in radio, because you'll find out there are no such
things as holidays... (unless you're at the top of that 'suck' curve).

14. Radio is addicting, it is, it really really is. The more we are on
air the more we WANT to be on the air. (and we TOTALLY love the sound
of our own voices...don't ever believe us if we tell you otherwise.)

15. We ALL have A.D.D., and none of us will take our A.D.D. meds
because we're worried it will affect our work. (what? I so don't have
A.D.-you know what I like? Hamburgers.)

16. No matter what time a radio person SAYS they are going to be
somewhere, you can ALWAYS add a half hour onto that, even if they try
to allow for that extra half hour. (unless there's a microphone and a
spot block involved, in which case this bizarre little timer in our
heads works out exactly how long we have to take a dump before our
next break).

17. If you don't tell us something in writing (text message, email,
production order), then you never told us. (and even then...paper is
easy to lose....or burn....or eat.)

 

[ThomasCarten]

1) That long cut means we're taking a crap.

2) We all have the same dream: We arrive at the station and can't get in, or the studio is stripped, or there aren't any records, or for some reason we can't get on the air.

3) Guys with weak voices love 77's because you can talk 1/4" away and get good bass without popping.

4) If you hear the same songs and stuff in a row every so often, the dj is probably running a tape and screwing on the manager's couch.

5) Your local McDonald's will, indeed, deliver a pie if you work in a mention.

6) "Frazier" was a lie; most stations are a mess.

7) When jocks meet, they never talk about the great studios, but always about the toilets they worked in -- and they get a dreamy, far-away look in their eyes because they really miss those days.

 

[Aramondo]

A quote usually attributed to Hunter S. Thompson, and fittingly enough considering the topic, neither entirely true nor entirely his words, that is when he said it he wasn't talking about radio but television and the "negative side" remark was added by someone else, but still appropos, "The radio business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."

 

[masterg]

If knowledge is power, we're screwed...

Rule of the Phones: if she sounds sexy, more times than not...

My own rule of the phones has long been; normal people do not call radio stations, and that same rule extends to television stations, too. Anyone calling immediately has one strike on them, because if they were normal at all, they wouldn't waste their time calling a radio station for any reason.

I worked in broadcasting over 30 years, so clearly it was a passion with me. Despite that, and prior to my starting in the biz, I never once called any radio station for any reason. It never occurred to me that calling was a good idea.

You don't want to see us in person. Really. (a face for radio isn't just a myth, kids).

As painful as it is to say, yep, you are 100% right. Drop by any remote of even the hottest radio station you can find. You'll be lucky if a dozen listeners show. Been there, got the coffee mug and the frisbee. Worked twice for really solid stations in terms of audience, yet did remotes where virtually no on showed. HOWEVER, that may not be what you think it is. Weird as it sounds, I've seen extensive research that strongly indicates that radio listeners and TV viewers love their personalities larger than life. Meaning that they don't necessarily want to see them in person, warts and all. They don't want to know that the guy they love on the radio is little different from them, that he's just like everyone else. That being said, there are indeed a good many faces for radio. I actually worked with guys whom management would never send out on a remote. I also worked with guys who strongly considered themselves "inside jocks" and would resist any attempt to do live anywhere.

No one will ever understand why holidays appear/become meaningless
UNLESS you work in radio, because you'll find out there are no such
things as holidays..

Man, you nailed it. Well done, well put, and completely sad and true. "What are you doing for the holiday.? To which most any radio-head would respond, "Holiday, what holiday?" And it was not being facetious, you really did forget there was a holiday coming up. Work in radio and holiday and meaningless become synonymous.

If you hear the same songs and stuff in a row every so often, the dj is probably running a tape and screwing on the manager's couch.

Or simply sleeping on the lobby couch. Worked with an overnight guy once who had a handful of different hour long tapes he'd roll a couple times a week, during which he'd zonk out in the lobby. He was smart enough to run these tapes in the middle of the night, 2-3 AM, figuring that lessened his chances of getting busted. He never did.

When jocks meet, they never talk about the great studios, but always about the toilets they worked in -- and they get a dreamy, far-away look in their eyes because they really miss those days.

Wow, damned near worthy of attribution whenever it's repeated! A brilliant statement, and so true. I guess it's the starving artist thing at work. It was the really lean days that united so many of us, mostly because we all shared it. Those who had considerable success were members of a more select group and didn't have it all in common with the rest.

Lastly, a quote from one of the greatest broadcasters of all time, Tom Snyder...
“I have never fallen in love with my own voice, but I've always had an attraction for it.”

 

[crmc]

If knowledge is power, we're screwed...

Rule of the Phones: if she sounds sexy, more times than not...

My own rule of the phones has long been; normal people do not call radio stations, and that same rule extends to television stations, too. Anyone calling immediately has one strike on them, because if they were normal at all, they wouldn't waste their time calling a radio station for any reason.

I worked in broadcasting over 30 years, so clearly it was a passion with me. Despite that, and prior to my starting in the biz, I never once called any radio station for any reason. It never occurred to me that calling was a good idea.

You don't want to see us in person. Really. (a face for radio isn't just a myth, kids).

As painful as it is to say, yep, you are 100% right. Drop by any remote of even the hottest radio station you can find. You'll be lucky if a dozen listeners show. Been there, got the coffee mug and the frisbee. Worked twice for really solid stations in terms of audience, yet did remotes where virtually no on showed. HOWEVER, that may not be what you think it is. Weird as it sounds, I've seen extensive research that strongly indicates that radio listeners and TV viewers love their personalities larger than life. Meaning that they don't necessarily want to see them in person, warts and all. They don't want to know that the guy they love on the radio is little different from them, that he's just like everyone else. That being said, there are indeed a good many faces for radio. I actually worked with guys whom management would never send out on a remote. I also worked with guys who strongly considered themselves "inside jocks" and would resist any attempt to do live anywhere.

No one will ever understand why holidays appear/become meaningless
UNLESS you work in radio, because you'll find out there are no such
things as holidays..

Man, you nailed it. Well done, well put, and completely sad and true. "What are you doing for the holiday.? To which most any radio-head would respond, "Holiday, what holiday?" And it was not being facetious, you really did forget there was a holiday coming up. Work in radio and holiday and meaningless become synonymous.

If you hear the same songs and stuff in a row every so often, the dj is probably running a tape and screwing on the manager's couch.

Or simply sleeping on the lobby couch. Worked with an overnight guy once who had a handful of different hour long tapes he'd roll a couple times a week, during which he'd zonk out in the lobby. He was smart enough to run these tapes in the middle of the night, 2-3 AM, figuring that lessened his chances of getting busted. He never did.

When jocks meet, they never talk about the great studios, but always about the toilets they worked in -- and they get a dreamy, far-away look in their eyes because they really miss those days.

Wow, damned near worthy of attribution whenever it's repeated! A brilliant statement, and so true. I guess it's the starving artist thing at work. It was the really lean days that united so many of us, mostly because we all shared it. Those who had considerable success were members of a more select group and didn't have it all in common with the rest.

Lastly, a quote from one of the greatest broadcasters of all time, Tom Snyder...
“I have never fallen in love with my own voice, but I've always had an attraction for it.”

 

[crmc]

Master G, while I agree with a lot of what you said, I must beg to differ on your opinion on remotes. Perhaps you were sent into another big sale at the furniture store or a deal of a lifetime on tires. And, yes, I agree that the crowds don't rush in.

But...there are Radio Stations out there that have fun with their listeners and advertisers and get rewarded with results and ratings.

This last week, on a freezing february Valentine's morning, before the sun came up, the station I work for invited couples to come and renew their wedding vows. The couples each got a mini wedding cake provided by a sponsor, registered for a second honeymoon , which was awarded during the last break of the morning show, and had a corny but funny individualized brief ceremony performed by the morning guy.

49 couples showed up, plus a couple dozen listeners who wanted to witness the spectacle, along with about half the sales department and staff.150 people in the cold, and they left smiling and shaking our hands as they walked back to their cars.

I know the business has gotten tougher and in a lot of ways it's not as much fun as it once was, but there are places out there on the dial where they do good radio, entertain their listeners and deliver results for their advertiser partners.

 

[emo474]

My radio recurring nightmare is that the song is always fading out and I cannot find another song.. also the commercials are either suddenly missing or in another language and I can't read them.. lastly all the carts have no tape in them! "carts.. do they exist anymore.. shows how long I've been out of the business.

 

[masterg]

This last week, on a freezing february Valentine's morning, before the sun came up, the station I work for invited couples to come and renew their wedding vows.

No problem on disagreeing with me, but you really are talking exception and not rule here. Your couples showed up to renew their vows publically, not to see anyone from your station. Way back when I worked for a station that did frequent cheap gas promotions. Thousands would line up for the gas, we knew that the gas was the draw, not us. By contrast, I did lots of remotes from, oh, everything from furniture stores to tire retailers(I swear)and the crowds were thin, and that's being generous.

BTW, I think that terrestrial radio is in serious trouble. My guess is that it will not survive ten years from this date forward. It could go sooner, but it will go. Like so many other things in our lives, terrestrial radio is closing in on outliving its usefulness, it's relevance, to American culture. Sad, yet true. Deny the inevitable at your own peril. On this day in, let's say, 1980, whoever in their most intense feverish dream ever imagined WARM gone and forgotten? That day came...and it came a lot of years ago.

 

[normhill007]

In the late 80's while with Warm and still very good ratings, Nick Seneca and I did a double remote on the opening of 2 new Domino's Pizzas-one just off North Main in Scranton (mine) and his in Kingston. We had an autographed Mike Schmidt baseball and other Phillie stuff to give away-when the dust had settled, I was the winner in the number of listeners who stopped by (and they were the only ones who stopped by)..I had 4 and Nick had 2..But invite somebody to join you for a 59 cent breakfast at the old Skyliner, and the place was overflowing...with WARM staff.

 

[wirelessinnepa]

Masterg.....

Radio has been read the last rites several times in the past 50 years.....when TV became popular.....when 8 track tapes came out in cars...when cassettes came out...when cd's came out...when I-pods came out....

Now....I am not under any false impression that AM is going to have any major resurgance, simply because it's an old technology which doesn't work well....not good building penetration, sound quality, radios are lacking in sensitivity.....although many markets have their #1 rated AM station to this day.....

But FM radio is ALIVE and WELL....at least in my listening area....don't confuse the megalopolies troubles with their stations with the average radio listener not liking radio stations. Arbritron estimates that about 94% of people listen to radio each week. My clients report great results from their advertising. That's not hocus pocus...that's people listening to a radio ad, and then going into the store and buying something.

There are some radio people who constantly whine and bellyache that radio is dying out. With friends like that, radio doesn't NEED enemies. Time to face reality.
Ben
WGMF

 

[waunderlust]

masterg-did you do a "TIRE GIANT!" remote? ;D Wow does that bring back memories.

Remotes, to me, serve two purposes.
Neither one really matters if a lot of people show up.

1) To promote the client
If you talk about a client enough, it brings them to top of mind of a person.
(eg. man: We need tires. woman: I heard masterg at Tire Giant in Pittston last week. He was having a great time there. Maybe we should try there.)

2) To promote the station.
Done properly, this is three-fold.
a) Believe it or not, if you LOOK good enough, LOOK LOUD enough, people notice. Even if they don't show up.
(eg. Woman: What's that? Oh, it WXYZ over at the Tire Giant. What are they doing there? Man: I dunno, turn on the radio to find out)

b) It makes you seem bigger than life.
(eg. Woman: I was listening to WXYZ and they're all over the place this weekend. I need new tires, maybe I'll go see masterg at Tire Giant)

c) To erase that wall between the listener and the talent. Creating even more of a "my friend" feel.
(eg. Woman: I went to the Tire Giant to get tires Saturday and masterg was there. He was such a nice guy AND I even got a T-Shirt)

Some remotes resound better to the listener and some are a better call to action, but if you just touch one person, they could have a diary. Heck, if you get two people to show up at a four hour car dealer remote and one of them buys a car, you probably just covered that client's advertising for that remote.

I was taught that at a remote, you SHOULD look BIGGER than life and BE the personality you are on the radio. Let your station BE SEEN by the MOST PEOPLE going by. Don't tuck the van away to get the best marti shot. If you do a silly air shift, be silly with the people, even if you are there to sell cars. You're still selling yourself and the station. Oh, and support the client. Buy something if you can. If you're at a bazaar, actually PAY to play a few games.


If done right, remotes will work. Things like this can save terrestrial radio by enforcing the "my friend from next door" on the radio feeling. (I'm paraphrasing, but that's from the Overnight Radio Handbook)

Sorry if I said too much.

 

[Aramondo]

Coupla things...

Wanderlust, you seem like a conscientious individual who actually put thought into what you were doing at remotes in presenting yourself and the station with the listener always in mind. The people I know in radio today who are like that I can count on one hand with three fingers left with nothing to do. I see mostly talent hiding in the van or worrying about getting something free to eat.

crmc...that was a great Valentine's promotion but with a nice turnout like that just what market are we talking about? Surely not this one. I'm sure you know what you can expect of this one. To draw a crowd here you have to be giving something away (bottom rung, a t-shirt "Not in the budget"...or better) or you have to be DEEPLY discounting something else at the store...as in masterg's gas example.

Terrestrial radio doomed? As we know it, I bet. What it will become? Forget music. Music is available fifty different ways and the songs you want when you want them. We're ten years out from computers woven into the fabric of your shirt. I saw something online today, a contact lenses with imprinted circuitry and lights. A contact lens! (http://www.zapnat.com/2008/01/17/electronic-contact-lenses-give-superhuman-version/)
Online visible only to the wearer? Virtual reality is knocking loudly on the door so terrestrial radio? Pfft, if it survives at all think PSBB with, if you're lucky, a guy who can be funny reading them. And I won't be surprised if technology allows for cutting into the local angle as well by that time.

 

[masterg]

The Tire Giant! Yep, that would be it. Geez, after one remote, even I bought four new tires from him. Nice guy, anyone recall his name? I'd guess I did a dozen or more "cutaways" there.

Unlike a lot of other stations, WARM kept their remotes nice and tidy. We did 4 hits an hour, each a :60 on the nose. We even had this short bed that the jock on the air would roll underneath you to remind you to wrap in :05 seconds. Nice and clean. Other stations I'd worked at let you blather on forever on a remote. That way, of course, the sponsor got their "money's worth."

As I recall, we made $15 an hour for a cutaway, so the typical 4 hour job paid $60. And that was over 20 years ago. The bad news was you almost always got scheduled to do one on your day off, which meant you worked 12 or more days in a row without being off a single day. Refusing to do one was unheard of, until I did turn one down for a completely legitimate reason. Upon doing so, I was summoned to Ron Allen's office and warned to watch my step from there forward, because I'd now be labeled a "bad ass" by management. So, for all you who thought working at WARM was a dream, let me assure you it was not.

I agree that Waunderlust sounds like a perfectly intelligent human being, one who places high regard on forethought, and doesn't just dash off ill-conceived remarks. However, and please don't take great offense here, my observation is that Waunderlust is working strictly from the "theoretical" side of the street, and not the "practical" side. I cannot for a second disagree with the way Waunderlust believes it should be, but will quickly say that it isn't the way it is, surely not in the here and now.

I have indeed faced reality, which is why I'm stickin' with my predictions on terrestrial radio. We'll just have to wait and see, for only time will tell. The end, I sense, could come sooner, and it could come quite suddenly.

 

[Rockin Rob]

1) We play our airchecks/scopes for potential girlfriends.

2) We watch movies about our industry and point out the inaccuracies.

3) We do nightclub gigs for two reasons: a) it pays more than our on air work, b) we can actually see the girls we want to sleep with.

4) The blow off line for interns/none-too-talented co-workers? "We should do a morning show together".

5) it gives you license to be an absolute a**hole.

6) We get in the biz for two reasons: a) to meet chicks, b) to get back at the chicks who ever turned us down for dates.

7) We listen to other stations for the DJ, not the music.

 

[Nokmo True]

1) We play our airchecks/scopes for potential girlfriends.

Never done that. I don't even have an aircheck.

2) We watch movies about our industry and point out the inaccuracies.

No. I sort of remember seeing some inaccuracies on WKRP in Cincinnati but I don't recall actually pointing them out. Movies? What movies? FM? That Eric Bogosian thing from 25 years ago? What movies?

3) We do nightclub gigs for two reasons: a) it pays more than our on air work, b) we can actually see the girls we want to sleep with.

Don't do them for the same reason I don't do concerts anymore. Don't really like crowds.

4) The blow off line for interns/none-too-talented co-workers? "We should do a morning show together".

Face it, if we were any more talented than our co-workers would we be in market 79?

5) it gives you license to be an absolute a**hole.

I would say it is a business that attracts them not licenses them.

6) We get in the biz for two reasons: a) to meet chicks, b) to get back at the chicks who ever turned us down for dates.

That's just sad...but no sadder than the reason I got into the business namely it requires no skill beyond the ability to BS and that coupled with laziness leaves radio (or politics) as the only open door to a regular paycheck.

7) We listen to other stations for the DJ, not the music.

You still listen to radio?

 

[Rockin Rob]

1) We play our airchecks/scopes for potential girlfriends.

Never done that. I don't even have an aircheck.

Hopefully, you will! If not, SHAME! I can still impress them with "look what I used to do..."

2) We watch movies about our industry and point out the inaccuracies.

No. I sort of remember seeing some inaccuracies on WKRP in Cincinnati but I don't recall actually pointing them out. Movies? What movies? FM? That Eric Bogosian thing from 25 years ago? What movies?

It's as simple as FM (frequency 7 Come 11?) and Joe Dirt (frequency 98.6 - how original). Altho, the Bogosian thing in the last station scene.....ever see a studio so pristine? I certainly haven't.

3) We do nightclub gigs for two reasons: a) it pays more than our on air work, b) we can actually see the girls we want to sleep with.

Don't do them for the same reason I don't do concerts anymore. Don't really like crowds.

I don't do concerts coz its sooooo damn expensive anymore.

4) The blow off line for interns/none-too-talented co-workers? "We should do a morning show together".

Face it, if we were any more talented than our co-workers would we be in market 79?

Well, if I had a dime for everytime I have heard that phrase used (whether it was me telling someone or vice versa)...

5) it gives you license to be an absolute a**hole.

I would say it is a business that attracts them not licenses them.

To succeed, you have to be one. And, notice that I didn't even bring SALESPEOPLE into this....

6) We get in the biz for two reasons: a) to meet chicks, b) to get back at the chicks who ever turned us down for dates.

That's just sad...but no sadder than the reason I got into the business namely it requires no skill beyond the ability to BS and that coupled with laziness leaves radio (or politics) as the only open door to a regular paycheck.

It is the lowest rung on the showbiz ladder. Some think they will parlay it into a lifespan in Hollywood.

7) We listen to other stations for the DJ, not the music.

You still listen to radio?

Well, used to anyway.... Now, its checking out O&A on XM.

 

[Nokmo True]

5) it gives you license to be an absolute a**hole.

I would say it is a business that attracts them not licenses them.

To succeed, you have to be one. And, notice that I didn't even bring SALESPEOPLE into this....

LOL! Salespeople!!! That hit the nail right on the head!

 

[masterg]

1) We play our airchecks/scopes for potential girlfriends.

Never once did that. Little could make me as uncomfortable as listening to an aircheck of mine with anyone else present.

2) We watch movies about our industry and point out the inaccuracies.

Play Misty for Me is the only one coming to mind. The story of an overnight jock making a ton of money in a tiny town didn't wash worth turd. WKRP, though, was great. I knew "everyone" on that show, except for the Lonnie Anderson character.

3) We do nightclub gigs for two reasons: a) it pays more than our on air work, b) we can actually see the girls we want to sleep with.

Always hated jocking clubs, parties, etc., but did it for a while for the bucks. It did pay more than on-air.

4) The blow off line for interns/none-too-talented co-workers? "We should do a morning show together".

Not sure I get that one. Don't think I ever mumbled that line to anyone, for any reason.

5) it gives you license to be an absolute a**hole.

I had my a**hole moments before radio, had a fair number of them in radio, yet would never classify myself as being an a**hole. But I do know what you're talking about. Ever notice how when a jock has to have a photo taken for some print promotion they insist on acting/looking like a total deebee?

6) We get in the biz for two reasons: a) to meet chicks, b) to get back at the chicks who ever turned us down for dates.

For me, a simple no and no to that. Neither ever occurred to me.

7) We listen to other stations for the DJ, not the music.

Once upon a time, absolutely, no doubt about it. Today? Not so much.

 

[emo474]

Howard Stern movie.. also Good Morning Vietnam w/ Robin Williams, Straight Talk with Dolly Parton, & 1988's Talk Radio to name some..

 

[NigelWick]

FM