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Vermont Teddy Bear Indictment Collection!

The Vermont Teddy Bear's Indictment Collection:

"The Donny Michaels Bear - Enjoys sitting by his laptop (included), but don't carry him too high - he's afraid of heights!"

"The Dave Universal Bear - You'll find him hanging out in dark alleys at night counting his money and flashing his money clip. Loves the bling-bling and knows how to get it."

"The Toya Beasley Bear - She loves to go about town with her new limited edition Sony CD Walkman. Sing along with her favorite tunes, but remember, the Walkman is HERS."

"The Playful Party Girls Bears" - These mischievous bears (Monique, Tanya, Destiny and Autumn) come with their own cell phones for making fake phone-in requests for artists nobody wants to hear. Monique is the slutty one with the dirty mouth (she's what seven second delay was made for!), Tanya has the drinking problem, Destiny and Autumn love to call from their hot tub or from local clubs. Has built-in memory chip so you can record the names of your local station and the artist you want to promote!

"The Angst Ridden Unreachable Guy Bears" - Justin, Bo, and Caleb are the ultimate outsider bears. They can't be handled by anyone. Each bear is pre-programmed with a skeptical 17-27 year old sounding voice that mistrusts the man, the music, and the machine! If you actually have a phone line after you moved out of your parents' house, you can put these bears up to the phone and call request lines and convince DJ's that you really are the next Eminem and you want to hear the "outsider indie" rockers and rappers that major labels handle. But don't cut yourself... these bears are sharp and EDGY!

"The DA Bear" - This is the bear the other bears fear. Comes in professional looking suit with pockets filled with subpoena forms you can fill out yourself. Amaze your friends by writing your own bear amicus curie briefs! Comes with 11x9 DoD approved bear cage. The other bears can run, but they can't hide from the long arms of this bear! Grrrr....
 
Props to Dampier...

The bears are cute, but the best line of this whole mess was posted by Dampier on the Syracuse board.

The original post was:

> "Clear Channel has
> extremely strict internal policies against payola. We
> investigate any allegation of this nature and anyone who is
> found to have violated our strict internal policies will be
> disciplined, up to and including dismissal. The allegations
> made will be fully investigated and any wrongdoing will be
> met by swift and appropriate disciplinary action."

Click here for Dampier's reply (as embellished by Machiavelli)
 
> The Vermont Teddy Bear's Indictment Collection:
>
> "The Donny Michaels Bear -
>
> "The Dave Universal Bear -
>
> "The Toya Beasley Bear -
>
> "The Playful Party Girls Bears" -
>
> "The Angst Ridden Unreachable Guy Bears" -
>
> "The DA Bear" -
>

You have had some outstanding posts on this board and the last week in particular, but here you have outdone yourself. Props to you. Outstanding writing and wit. Simply PIMP (piss in my pants) Funny!
 
Dampier,

Upon reading your post, I had to get up from my desk, step outside of my office, go down two floors to the vending machine, buy a can of Diet Coke, return to my desk and start drinking, JUST so I could give you the full reaction this post deserves... by spewing drink all over my keyboard and screen while laughing.

Absolutely brilliant!
 
Re: Props to Dampier...

Dampier:

How about "The AG Bear": He works with the DA Bear. But come January, 2007, he could become "The Governor Bear".

Your initial post on this thread was fantastic! It sounds like a great commercial parody that "Saturday Night Live" should have done. Imagine legendary Don Pardo voicing that fake commercial! That would've been icing on the cake.
 
Dampier...really funny one...send the DA bear after me because i stole this one and send it to several friends...ill gladly plead guilty

good one... :)




> The Vermont Teddy Bear's Indictment Collection:
>
> "The Donny Michaels Bear - Enjoys sitting by his laptop
> (included), but don't carry him too high - he's afraid of
> heights!"
>
> "The Dave Universal Bear - You'll find him hanging out in
> dark alleys at night counting his money and flashing his
> money clip. Loves the bling-bling and knows how to get it."
>
>
> "The Toya Beasley Bear - She loves to go about town with her
> new limited edition Sony CD Walkman. Sing along with her
> favorite tunes, but remember, the Walkman is HERS."
>

> "The Playful Party Girls Bears" - These mischievous bears
> (Monique, Tanya, Destiny and Autumn) come with their own
> cell phones for making fake phone-in requests for artists
> nobody wants to hear. Monique is the slutty one with the
> dirty mouth (she's what seven second delay was made for!),
> Tanya has the drinking problem, Destiny and Autumn love to
> call from their hot tub or from local clubs. Has built-in
> memory chip so you can record the names of your local
> station and the artist you want to promote!
>
> "The Angst Ridden Unreachable Guy Bears" - Justin, Bo, and
> Caleb are the ultimate outsider bears. They can't be
> handled by anyone. Each bear is pre-programmed with a
> skeptical 17-27 year old sounding voice that mistrusts the
> man, the music, and the machine! If you actually have a
> phone line after you moved out of your parents' house, you
> can put these bears up to the phone and call request lines
> and convince DJ's that you really are the next Eminem and
> you want to hear the "outsider indie" rockers and rappers
> that major labels handle. But don't cut yourself... these
> bears are sharp and EDGY!
>
> "The DA Bear" - This is the bear the other bears fear.
> Comes in professional looking suit with pockets filled with
> subpoena forms you can fill out yourself. Amaze your
> friends by writing your own bear amicus curie briefs! Comes
> with 11x9 DoD approved bear cage. The other bears can run,
> but they can't hide from the long arms of this bear!
> Grrrr....
>
 
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