There's a 30 foot mahogany bar in the basement of Big Ronda's Cheektowaga ranch. The word is, it came from a bar in Black Rock before it was "remodeled" by a home improvement company outside the family. Uncle Oskie was none too pleased when he heard that Big didn't hire his second cousin to do the job, but there was a reason.
Big is actually Zbigniew. Ronda is some amalgam of the family's real last name. And the remodeling project was never finished because the guys who were tearing up the linoleum had an accident with a torch while stripping old linoleum. So the story goes. Proabably why Big hired some mooks from Black Rock to do the remodeling job rather than his cousin Oscar. Some things are best kept outside the family.
Other remnants from the bar found their way to Big's basement before the fire, including a 300 Watt Crown amplifier, mixing board, two turntables, a big, ugly Onkyo reel to reel deck and four Altec Lansing Voice of the Theatre speakers. Four. Two would be enough. Four is overkill.
Not so long ago, the basement was full of friends and relatives who gathered for some kind of anniversary and the sound system was in fine form. The old Crown amp and speakers sounded robust and unstrained.
Longtime family friend, trumpet player and ex-bar DJ Eddie "Moobs" Mubella was playing the tunes. Unless he's known you for at least 20 years, when he was an Acounting major at Canisius and member of ROTC, it's best not to call him "Moobs," as it has a whole different meaning than it did when somebody hung the nickname on him as a kid. And since Eddie is a CPA, goes about 220 at more than six feet, only longtime friends get to use the nickname. For the most part, "Eddie" works just fine with him.
As Jimmy Soul sings "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life..." the assembled family clan is in a good mood. Eddie gets on the mic and says "hey Frankie, this song is for you and Wanda!" Frankie used to play bass in Eddie's band, is a longtime friend and member of the Knights of Columbus. Everybody laughs loudly. Wanda is anything but ugly, and she's not what you'd call quiet, either. Willie the Tagger is present, a cousin of a cousin or something like that. He's shaved, wearing khakis, not buzzed on a nickel bag of hippie lettuce and in fine form. He yells, "except Wanda can't cook, either... just ask those guys at the Knights of Columbus who ate her omelet delight!" More laughs as Frankie mimes somebody blowing lunch.
At the end of the night, cousin Kenny who's about 40 ("one of the kids" as Uncle Oskie likes to say) tells Eddie Moobs, "you did a great job... how come we don't hear these songs on the radio anymore?"
I felt like shouting back, "because we're all too damn old!" But I didn't. And then, of all things, this meandering thread pops into my head.
Considering all the posts here, songs that never get played, songs that shouldn't be played, turntable hits, forgotten 45s, B-Sides, personal faves and songs that deserve to be played, the reality is, these songs likely will never again be heard again on the radio in a format.
To be truthful, Eddie Moobs played all kinds of songs that evening, from "Mac the Knife," to "Get Down On It," to Ton Loc's "Wild Thing" backed to the Troggs version, to Skynyrd's "I Know A Little," to "It's A Beautiful Day" by U2.
Such a thing would never work on the radio. It would be "Trainwreck Radio."
What I think Kenny meant was, why aren't songs like the Shirelles', "Baby It's You" (the beginning of which has that haunting "Sha-lal-la-la-la-la" in the intro) "Daytripper" by the Beatles, the Stones classic, "Get Off My Cloud" and "Big Girls Don't Cry" played on the radio?
Fair question, Kenny. The answer is, "it's old people's music."
But guess what, so is Classic Rock. How many years before that format meets the same resistance as Oldies did about five years ago. As I read this thread, maybe it should have been given the name "Songs We'll Never Hear Again On The Radio Again" when the first beer-soaked post was made a while back.
BTW, if it hasn't already been posted, I'll nominate "Sweet Cream Ladies" by the Box Tops.
---
PS, How come the emoticons don't work?
