"I would ever admit that out loud or anything" may look like a perfectly fine sentence, but it's not, because no one ever starts a sentence with "I would ever," only "I would" or maybe "I would always," or, if one were looking to express the opposite, "I would never" or "I wouldn't ever," so therefore, I'm not even going to try to continue from that impossible end clue and, instead, will invite someone else give it a try.