I don't know as much about the market anymore, but having been around "that Zachary Guy" in the past, I noticed with interest the News Director posting for his station on All Access, obviously written by Mr. Phil, and thought it needed a proper translation, which follows in parentheses...
News Director (Lackey Who Can Read), Raleigh/Durham
There are a number of news director/anchor openings posted here (This one alone has been posted three times in a week). So, why should you pay special attention to this one?
We’re (Phil is) NewsTalk 680 WPTF, the 50,000 watt heritage voice of Central and Eastern North Carolina (We're the old folks station and nothing else), and we’re (Phil is) seeking a News Director with on-air anchor responsibilities. This position ranks among the most critical roles in our (Phil's) 15-station group (you will be berated in public by Mr. Phil a lot more than the average employee). The News Director supervises a massive, daily news and information operation that’s unlike anything else in our (Phil's) market (It is one of the last havens for fake-voiced top 40 radio news jocks). In our (Phil's) determination, the following traits are essential for all interested candidates (unless you are talented and have a mind of your own, if not, move on to the next ad):
· Experience managing a fast-paced, aggressive, local radio news operation in an Arbitron-rated market. We currently employ seven full-time reporter/anchors (we have a lot of warm bodies and a plumber's van to get those bodies somewhere).
· An insatiable appetite for news and current affairs, not just national and international, but local (as they pertain to our coverage area) as well (you must cover what Phil tells you to cover).
· Lifestyle knowledge is important but secondary to a thorough understanding of politics, economics and the law, and what all three mean to the average consumer/citizen in North Carolina (you only know what Phil tells you to know.)
· A comprehension of news ethics and disciplines and, in particular, strict compliance with all federal laws pertaining to slander, equal time, etc. (you only know what Phil tells you to know)
· Superior editing and writing skills. (you can at least rip and read from the wire)
· As an on-air news shift is required, candidates should have a confident, well-paced delivery and be particularly aware of the nuances that help “sell” good, live, copy. (You should sound as if you belong in 1977 top 40 AM radio. Those sure were the good old days)
· Ability to relate to a target listener between the ages of 40 and 64. We are not a “hot talk” or “young-skewing” station. Instead, NewsTalk 680 WPTF is the proud, heritage voice of Central North Carolina. (We are unwilling to reach younger listeners. Shoot, you might even get to read the obituaries or host some sort of swap 'n shop show.)
· Tireless work ethic. Also, candidates should be comfortable in public and present an appearance and demeanor that are in keeping with a leading media outlet. This is, by no means, a studio-only position. (You should go to the gym with Phil every day)
· The ability to coach and direct talent in all of the above. (You hire who Phil tells you to hire)
· Uncompromising integrity. (You keep our shady business deals to yourself)
· Good sense of humor. (You laugh at all of Phil's jokes)
· A Bachelor’s Degree or higher (Rush Limbaugh, Walter Cronkite, and all those other idiot college dropouts aren't good enough for Phil)
Depending on the applicant’s skill set and track record, this position could be expanded to include further programming or operational duties (Phil is the PD, sales manager, janitorial supervisor, head of everything under the sun, but if something goes wrong, you're the scapegoat). It truly is an extraordinary opportunity in an equally extraordinary—and independently owned—company (we're cheap and we'll be bought out any day now), and our market is one of the best places to live in America (You may not be able to afford to live on what we will pay you). Interested candidates should send the following:
1. A cover letter expressing your interest and why you’re a good candidate for this position. (Pictures and memories of the good old days of Top 40 are recommended)
Blah blah blah...it goes on.
Seriously, I wish WPTF the best in their search. I just wouldn't want to be the poor sap who lands that gig.